To someone special

CHAPTER 44

Nainika's POV:

I don't know where to start or how to start but I know at some point of time I need to tell him about my truth. The truth that no one knows about my life. I want him to know the reality of mine. The real me. The lonely me. The anxiety in me. The vulnerable me. The person who is just a loner.
Just thinking about the loneliness I felt in my life made my heart shudder and tears formed in my eyes knowing that there was truly no one to look after me.
" Are you okay? " Sunayn asked placing his hand on my knee and I looked at him with tears brimming my eyes. I shook my head and rubbed my cheeks not wanting him to know my vulnerability.
" It's just a lot of information you are asking me Sunayn and I do not think you need to know about me. It was just stupid of me to write letters to you. It would be better for the both of us if we just forget about whatever happened between us and move on " I said not wanting to tell about me.
" What? Forget about you? Really? Do you think it's that easy? " He questioned me.
" It's not difficult either " I said.
" And how is that? " He asked again.
" See we don't know much about each other and it's not necessary for us to know now. We can live our lives separately and happily " I said but I was on verge of tears. I am crumbling with fear of losing him inside and at the same time I do not want him to know about me.
" Happily? Without you? Do you think how impossible that turned out to me? All these years it was you I thinked about. It was you who were stuck in my brain like a virus. It was your letters which I would always crave for. Do you have any fucking idea of how much I searched for you? And now you say that I should leave you and go away. And do you take me to be a fool who will believe you? No. Fucking no. I do not believe you. You have always loved me and I know even now you love me more than anything " he said everything looking straight in my eyes. I shivered with the audacity in his voice.
" No no you are overthinking. It's just coz I had a crush on you nothing more " I reasoned looking here and there hiding the pain in my voice. He came near me and sat on his knees. He held my hands in his. Though my hand is paining a little it was manageable.
" Nainika please don't hide from me. I know what you feel for me. You know why, coz I too feel the same. Look into my eyes and say that you don't feel anything for me " he said looking into my eyes but I was not able to maintain eye contact.
" I couldn't tell you anything Sunayn. You need to understand. You will not like me a bit if you get to know me. So it's better if we just stay as we are and pretend nothing happened. It's easier that way " I tried to convince him. He shook his head with determination wanting to know about me.
" You are not going to decide what I think. It's upon me what to think of you and for your kind information I am ready to know whatever it is that is bothering you. I will try to accept it. I promise I will support you " he said now sitting beside me and I sighed. He was not going to leave until he get to know me. This is it.
" Okay. So my name is Nainika Gupta. My father died when I was ten in an accident. My mom Navaneetha Gupta died when I was just two years due to cancer. The company I work is of my mom. NGC which means Navneetha group of companies " I said. For the first time in my life I am actually talking about my parents.
" I am sorry. I didn't knew you were an orphan " he said with guilt but I shook my head.
" I am not an orphan. I have a step mom, brother and a sister too " I said after a while.
" Your father remarried after your mom died? " He asked curiously.
" No " I shook my head.
" Then? " He questioned.
" There is lot Sunayn and I don't think you need to know more " I replied not wanting to tell him.
" No Nainika now I am ready to know completely about you. So don't you dare stop " he said sternly. I nodded and continued.
" So basically my father loved my mom during his college. But his father denied him saying she doesn't suit our family. Due to compulsion he married Devika, as I mentioned step mom. They had two children. Debashish bhayya and debina didi. They lived like a normal family and bhayya was three when my father met my mom again in a meeting. He did not want to get in contact with her as he is already married with children. Likewise he was doing his job and once my mom met him accidentally again outside. They both talked and mom got to know that he is married with two children. She was not married and was running her father's business alone. She asked him to marry her as she did not trust anyone who could take the responsibility of her business. Dad denied as he did not want to cheat devika and children. So he left her. But later she got the address and talked with devika. She instantly agreed as she was very money minded lady. She knew that the business is very profitable and she could secure her and children's future with money. She talked with dad about the same but he disagreed. She started fighting with him for silly reasons and would make drama for everything. She wanted him to marry her and live with her so that she could get money. But dad was very tired and exhausted with her change in demeanour. So he met mom in her office and she explained her condition. She was suffering from cancer at that time and she has very little time in her life. She wanted to give her business and properties to a trustable person and she thought marrying him will give him all the rights to the company. After getting this information dad was devastated. He loved her dearly during college but never thought that she will be gone soon. He talked with her wife and she agreed immediately and was very happy with his decision. Later they both married in a temple and no one was aware of his first marriage to avoid any problems. So they both started living in her home when she got pregnant. Doctors said it was complicated as she was suffering with cancer but she was adamant to keep the pregnancy no matter the complications. With a lot of difficulties I was born but after an year mom died and she left dad and me alone " I said while tears kept trailing down. I was consoled by Sunayn who kept his hand on my shoulder and embraced me.
" During this time dad and devika both lost the spark in their relationship and she would always taunt me for nothing. But dad used to support me everytime and made me feel the happiest but that happiness also vanished when he died " I said looking at the photo in the shelf. Now I was unable to stop the emotions running in my heart. I wanted to cry for everything that happened in my early years of life. This is the biggest secret I had kept in me for all these years and still felt trapped in my past.
" Shh control yourself Nainika. Please don't cry " he cooed me and I felt at peace in his embrace after long time.
" So like that my step mother took advantage of my loneliness and started torturing me in different ways. She would not leave any reason to scold me or beat me. She would even lock me in a store room and not allow me to eat too. She was very cruel with me and her daughter debika also started hating me. She would not allow me to play or sit with her. But bhayya was not like them. He would support me everytime available. He would provide me food secretly when mom was away. He considered me as his own sister even though I was not. Like this my life continued with tears, loneliness and suffering. In school I had few friends but debika said some bad words about me so they started avoiding me.
In college I made friends again but when they visited home for a birthday mom insulted me and that made them hate me for nothing reason. Later on we moved to this city. Here I didn't make any friends as I was afraid of getting hated or being  avoided " I said while remembering all the past.
" Do you even realise how good friends you have made? You have Ranjith remember? He is the most loyal friend anyone could ask for. So do not worry about your past and be happy with what you have " he said making me feel comfortable and I nodded.
" I have questions. May I ask? " He asked to which I nodded.
" How do you know about your mom and dad's personal things? I mean you were too young that your dad would share such things. Then how do you know? " He asked.
" No one bothered to tell me anything, it was my dad's diary which told me about his story. I would always sneak in his bedroom and read it. Like that I got to know the truth behind my life " I said while remembering the nights where I would go into that locked room and read it to my heart content. It's because of his diary I got to know dad more and I felt more close to him.
" Now where are your family members. You said you all moved here but here only you live where are remaining members? " He asked.
" Debina got married and settled with her husband in foreign. Bhayya lives in other state due to his work purpose. My step mom left foreign as well. Bhayya got to know about all the evil things she was doing and she didn't repent them. So he stopped talking to her so she left to her daughter's home alone. Now I live here alone " I completed while looking out through the window.
" Don't ever say you are alone Nainika. I understand the trauma you have gone through. Now that you have me you do not need to feel alone or unloved " he said looking into my eyes and tears escaped through my eyes.
I never knew that I would share my past with anyone other than myself but here I said everything to him and I feel like a huge burden is off me now. There are still few secrets I need to share with him.
" There are few more things that I need to tell Sunayn " I said with teary eyes.
" As I said I am here and you will not be judged so tell me what's there to know more " he said.
My throat went dry to share the most scariest things in my life.

So yeah these are the secrets which Nainika kept from everyone and felt insecure about herself. There are still few things Sunayn should know. In next chapter you will know them.
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Bye.. take care ....