To someone special

CHAPTER 21

Never in my wildest dreams I thought this could happen. I thought god had somewhere given me little happiness and contentment in life but that hope broke when I learnt the truth. That one thing which is haunting me each and every second. I wanted to be strong enough to prove others that I can get through this and I am working on it. But the thin thread that I am trying to hold on to would loosen everytime I see the helpless look on everyone's faces. I don't want people to sympathize me coz that's the truth and I don't want to dwell with the fact that I couldn't or there are very rare chances for me to become mother.

Two days ago, I had a severe stomach ache and doctors had done several tests and scanning. I don't know why did they try to hide it from me coz I somehow got hold of the reports and I couldn't make out what does it mean but I was sure as hell that there is severe problem and I strictly asked the doctors saying it is my right to know what's wrong with me even if it is the worst. And after giving me brief explanation about my reports which I couldn't understand though I discovered that I had a severe internal bleeding and I couldn't have a child or if I could that would be a miracle and chances are very less. I just nodded my head and put my tears at bay coz I don't want to look even more desperate for whatever I have already so I just said to leave me alone. Then in solitude I cried my eyes out and when I opened my eyes bhayya and Patel uncle were already present probably weeping but covered up as soon as they saw me awake.

Another week passed by and my exams schedule was released according to which my exams will start after fifteen days. Regular visits by Ranjith and Nidhu gradually reduced coz of constant tests and preparation. I understood that they did knew about me so they smartly tried to avoid talking about anything and would rather discuss about exams. Doctor said that I could be discharged from the hospital within two days and I wanted to look at myself which I didn't do since the day I am admitted here. I asked the nurse to get me a mirror and she abruptly nodded knowing that I had been asking her for a while now. I don't know how would I look now with all the scars which might have healed almost but I just wanted to look at myself to make myself sure that I don't look any bad. She brought a small mirror and gave me while turning back and left me alone. I took a long breath and slowly took the mirror in my hands. I can visibly see my hands shaking while doing so but I ignored it and the lump forming in my throat and took a glimpse of myself.

Shock! That is the only feeling I could experience right now. I gently touched my face with my fingers and realized how much I had changed in this past month. I was very pale with my cheek bones visible and my eyes were sunk deep. My lips were dry as a dried leaf and when I touched it, I felt like I touched a very hard surface. There was a deep scar on my collar bone and it was quite visible and I looked very different. Tears streamed down when I saw the scar on my neck and all the past came rushing to me. The way those people hurt me, stabbed me, slapped me, kicked me as if I am a toy. I threw the mirror aside and cried covering my face with my hands. I was hiccupping when someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at the intruder and hugged immediately seeking comfort.

" Bhayya I couldn't even look at myself. I look so different now. I have scars all over my body and looking at myself makes me feel so dirty. I.. I don't want to say this but mom is right I am worthless. I don't deserve any of this... " I was about to say but bhayya shushed me wiping my tears away with his thump.

" Shh don't you dare say that you are worthless coz you are more than that. You are more than deserving and I am proud that you made this through till here and I will always accept you no matter what. Don't feed your brain with useless thoughts Naina. I am always here to help you out and I will make sure that you are fine. I promise bacha. I promise " he said and there were unshed tears behind his eyes.

After I was interrogated by the police officers about my kidnap I was left alone. I couldn't help them much with the information coz all I told them was they were nearly six to seven people who spoke different languages and wore masks all the time and I was barely acknowledged as I was unconscious most of the time.