Eye For An Eye

Sixteen

Mariya.

I keep his food on the dinning table.
"Mahmoud, your food is ready".
He sighs "Finally, I'm starving!" he exclaims as he rushes over. He looks at the table then at me "Aren't you going to eat?"

I shake my head "You know I don't really like cous cous".
He raises his eyebrows "So you're going to stay hungry?"
I shrug.

He sits anyway "Well, it's your choice. I'm starving and I'm going to eat".
I sit on the chair next to his.

My cousin is getting married, she and I grew up together after her parents died when she was much younger. I'm closer to her than my biological sisters. The only thing is that the events start from Thursday and I want to be there for her but Mahmoud, he can be—difficult. Sometimes it feels like he wants me distanced from my family but maybe I'm overthinking it.

"You're quiet, everything okay?"
I nod nervously "Just peachy".

"Good" he continues eating "Can you get me my laptop? You know I can't eat idly".
"But I'm here with you".
"I know but you're not saying anything which is ruining the food for me".

"Fine, let's talk".
He smiles "Better".

"You know Aisha, right?"
"Which Aisha? Your cousin?"
"Yes, her".

He groans "Why are we talking about her? Babe, can we talk about something else?"
"Like what?"
"Like—I don't know. How your week has been?"

I fold my arms, a bit annoyed "You know how my week has been. All I do is cook and wait for you or the children to come back. I don't go out and I—I need purpose in my life".

"We're not enough for you?"
"You are but you go to work, hang out with your friends and still come home to us. Why can't I do the same? At least I can start a business".
He shakes his head "You don't need the money. The money you'll make in a month I'll give you in an instant, what does it matter to you? You want to work?"

I was starting to get really frustrated "Can't I visit family or friends?"
"We can go to Hayaan's house—oh they're not home but Amaya is at Jazeel's, we could go".

I shake my head "I'm not in the mood to be in between those two women, you know how difficult they can be when they're together".
"Then what?"

I take a deep breath "Aisha is getting married and I want to go. She's my family and I have to be there for her".
He drops his fork "When is it?"
"The 23rd of next month".

He brings out his phone.
"No" he says after a while.
"Why?"
"What about your children? Are you going with them?"

"No, they have school".
"Exactly, you expect me to take care of them alone".

Oh God, I felt like punching him, badly "I do it all the time".
"You're a housewife, you're their mother".
"And you're their father. I didn't bring them into this world alone, you contributed as well".

He huffs "They're only my kids when you need a way out, huh?"
I stay quiet. Is he trying to gaslight me?
"I work my ass off to provide for you and them as well, maybe hanging out with my friends is my way out. My way of relaxing, my way of letting off some steam. All you do is stay home, you're complaining about having too much time, something I wish I could have and now you want me to take care of the kids as well. When did you become such a lazy woman?"

"Don't flip this on me" I take a deep breath, trying to calm down "Fine, they can stay with Umma, you know how much she loves it when they do".
"Fine but you leave here on Friday".

"Excuse me? On Friday? The events starts on Thursday, I should be leaving on Monday or Tuesday, she's my sister".
"No, she's your cousin and she knows you have a family to take care of. Your family comes first for you".