healing hearts

Chapter 28

Ben's POV

I can't sleep. Alexa is tossing and turning, whimpering in her sleep.

I guess James can't sleep either because at 5 am, he texts me.

James: hey, you up?
Ben: yeah, how could I not be? How's Brooke?
James: scared. like all of us. she finally ran out of tears and is sleeping now. How's Lex?
Ben: sleeping. Restless though. Tossing and turning. She still hasn't spoken. But I told her about Alex. I'm scared man.
James: I know, we all are. I'll never get the image of her on the floor of that bathroom out of my head. When she wakes up, even though she probably won't talk to you, maybe you should talk to her. Let her listen to you.
Ben: I don't want to think of that. Maybe. Try and go to sleep. I'll see you later.
James: Okay man

After a little while, I end up falling asleep for a few hours.

I open my eyes and see Alexa sitting up in the bed. Her knees are pulled up to her chest with her head resting on them. She's visibly shaking. Her shoulders shaking as she quietly cries.

I sit up slowly and reach forward to touch her back. She gasps and flinches away and then slowly turns to face me. Her eyes are still puffy, her eyes so drowsy. She watches me as she turns her whole body in bed to face me. I take her in and meet her teary eyes.

I know it just happened, but if she won't talk to me, I need to talk to her. The doctor said all of these things but I never saw them. I need to see them, I need to see what he did to her.

So I take a deep breath and say, "Baby.. I know you don't want to talk.. and i'm not going to make you. But, can I please see? I want to see your body.." I hold her gaze, watching as her tears fall more as she shakes her head and looks down, protecting herself by wrapping her arms around her middle.

I reach for her hand. "Alexa, baby girl, please. It's just me. I think you're beautiful and nothing is going to change that. I don't want the first time I see you to be at the police station where there's people around. Please."

She looks at me, tears streaming down her face. I run my thumb across her cheek, wiping away some tears.

"Baby.."

She looks at me and silently gets off the bed and stands up. She takes a shaky breath and moves her hands down to the bottom of my shirt she's wearing. She slowly slides it up and lifts it over her head, wincing in pain as she does. I watch her every movement as she drops the shirt to the floor and keeps her eyes down, not looking at me.

I look her over, from head to toe. Her shoulders shaking as she cries again. The cut on her lip, the bruise wrapping around her throat, the big bruise on her ribs, the bruises circling her wrists. I swallow the knot in my throat as my eyes trail lower.. there's bruises covering her hips and her inner and outer thighs.

I feel sick to my stomach. He didn't just mentally and emotionally scar her, he physically scarred her too. He left marks on her. My vision starts to blur with tears, but I blink them away. She's still quietly crying and hasn't looked at me.

I move towards the side of the bed, closer to her.

"Alexa.." I say gently, my voice cracking.

She doesn't budge, just shakes her head and cries, wrapping her arms over her chest.

I stand up and slowly close the distance between us, not wanting to scare her.

"Baby, please look at me. This doesn't change anything. You're still beautiful and you're still my girlfriend. I will stand by you no matter what. You're the strongest person I know."

She sobs harder and shakes her head. I grab her chin gently and tilt her head up so she's looking up at me.

"You will heal from this and you will come back stronger. I will be here the whole time. Nothing is going to take me from you. No matter what happens, everything that comes after this, no matter how long it takes." I look at her, scanning her face for any sign of emotion.

She just stares at me, crying silently and then slowly nods. I lean down and kiss her forehead and then pick up the shirt and hand it to her.

"Let's go downstairs and eat some breakfast and then i'll go to the police station with you, okay?" I look at her.

She nods and slowly walks to her dresser, grabs a pair of sweatpants and pulls them on. She walks back to me and I take her hand.

I help her walk downstairs and into the kitchen where her parents, Brooke and James are sitting. Everyone looks so tired. I help Alexa onto a stool at the island and grab some toast and water for her and myself

Alexa's POV

I can't believe I showed Ben all of the marks on my body. The fear and desperation in his eyes made me do it. He looks so disheveled and just exhausted, his face is masked with worry.

I didn't want him to see my body. It's disgusting. All of the bruises and marks, they're everywhere. I had to do it for him though, he just looked so desperate, like he was pleading with me to listen to him.

I want to talk to him so badly, but I just can't. I don't know what I would even say. There's too many things going on in my head and I can't make sense of any of it. This is going to change the way that everyone treats me, including Ben. Everyone is already tiptoeing around me, scared to say the wrong thing, scared that i'm going to break at any moment.

The thing is.. they should be scared, because I might. In that moment, when he was.. raping me.. I wanted to die. I couldn't fight back, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything. All I could do was let it happen and pray that it would be over soon.

I honestly was expecting Ben to be grossed out, upset that I had sex with my ex-boyfriend no matter what the circumstances were. But he wasn't.. He's only upset and mad that this happened to me, he doesn't care about anything else. He acted like I was still beautiful and the only person he wants.. and I could tell he meant it.. which surprised me.

The doctor said I could have died, sadly, there's some parts of me that wishes I would have. Yes, either way it would have been hard for my family and friends for a while, but I don't want to see it. Now, I have to look at my parents, Ben, Brooke and James everyday and see the looks of sadness, hurt and worry on their faces.

They're going to be the best support system no doubt, I know that. But thinking about all the things they are going to have to go through because of me, it sucks.

In the kitchen, Ben places my toast in front of me. I haven't had an appetite since it happened and I still don't, but I choke down a bite. I can't. As soon as it hits my stomach, I jump off the stool and run to the bathroom slamming the door shut behind me, throwing myself in front of the toilet, I throw up the single bite of toast, along with whatever else could be in my stomach.

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I hope everyone is enjoying!

Thank you for reading!

- I