Our Little Lives, in this Big World

[INTRO:] Even when I cry, like a young Kid

What do you do when your life doesn't feel like it's actually happening? Or better yet, when you're going through the day but you end up going on automatic and you can't catch up?

Vernon's definition of automatic : Doing without thinking, relying on instinct/reflex, then one blinks and you're staring yourself in the mirror wondering how you got here so fast. You're suddenly not a child anymore and have already lived through eighteen years of life. Now you're expected to make big decisions that could affect the rest of your entire future and even others, too? No, now you are expected to make life changing decisions, no question about it.

At least thirteen out of those eighteen years, you are in school. Grades kindergarten through twelfth, taking you all the way through your childhood and teen years, yet you don't get to come up for a breath of air? Most haven't seen the world, yet you are supposed to already know what you want to do with your life or you're deemed irresponsible or have no motivation.

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AUGUST 17, THURSDAY, 6:10AM. ONE DAY AFTER "MOVE-IN".

Vernon stares into those brown eyes reflecting back at him and wonders, probably for the millionth time, where he went wrong. Why isn't he so sure like everyone else? He hasn't the slightest clue what he wants to do with his life and feels like a total idiot because of that fact. As if society laughs at him when his back is turned.

He doesn't want to listen anymore, so why does his mind keep screaming and echoing in his head? He could have just taken the normal route like his brother, but something about that path feels so wrong to walk. Like, if you were to read a story and then it suddenly skips twenty chapters and the protagonist is in a completely different place than they were from just a second ago.

It's too fast... too fast... too fast–

"Noonie, you almost done in there?" His father's voice, Jeonghan, emerges from outside the bathroom door.

Vernon looks down at the warm water running past through his fingertips and into the sink. He sighs and collects a pool of water in his hands to wash his face, then turns off the faucet. A sniffle escapes his nose when he wipes it along with the tears brimming his eyes, but luckily these things blend in with the dampness of a clean face. He opens the door of the bathroom where his father is waiting.

"It's 6:15 am, so leaving for the cafe in five minutes. Will you be ready to go?"

Vernon nods with a halfhearted smile and slides past Jeonghan to his room. The door closes with a soft click and Vernon's feet walk him to the center of his room, staring into the open closet full of clothes. The colors blend together dully just as his whole morning has, which causes another sigh to come through the young man. This day will probably end up being a bit harder than others, but he will get through it as he always has.

The world runs by him from the car window. Vernon finds the drive peaceful, appreciating the rare chance one gets to mindlessly observe the outside world as it slowly begins waking up to start the day. His dad goes between talking about the arrival of a new kind of coffee bean, to finding some kind of class Vernon could take for fun in the city. The son goes in and out of listening, replying with short and slightly half-assed answers as his mind wanders in space.

"You enjoyed pottery during your art class, didn't you? Or maybe painting?"

"Yeah, I liked both those things, dad."

Eight more hours to go until his shift is done. Just eight more hours until he can snuggle back under his warm covers.

AUGUST 17, THURSDAY, 12:03AM. LATER THAT DAY.