letters to the stars

five 🗝️

★

Dr Cho places the sensors onto different parts of my chest as Nurse Min makes sure all the machinery is ready to run. This whole day has given me signs that shouldn't be ignored even if I want them to be ignored, there's been not a single good sign of today. My breathing has rapidly worsened, my heart is declining and my life is ending. Every single thing I do is a simple or harsh reminder that I'm not going to be here for much longer, death tortures me no matter what I do.

"Alright all done. Follow the same pattern you followed when I checked your heartbeat and I'll tell you when we're done."

Dr Cho removes her gloves and switches them out for a fresh pair.

"Okay."

I follow her instructions and proceed to breathe like a normal person would. I sit staring lifelessly at the pale wall feeling so excited to get told that my irregular heartbeat has become a danger. I hate death, the thought of my passing or somebody I love passing hurts me deeply. Luckily no one close to me has lost their life yet, I hope life stays like that for a while. I don't need anymore stress, that's what doctors tell me and just people in general. A heart like mine seriously can't work under intense stress and anxiety, me being overexposed to stress will lead me to an early grave. My overthinking ends and morphs into a cinematic show of memories, memories of when I was a child or just memories that left a scar. Specifically ones that bring guilt to me, ones where my existence has bought other people immense pain. 'Hyunjin , you need to wake up!" it's changbin voice, his shaken voice that I can recognise in a split second. The day he found a nine-teen year old Hyunjin lying on the floor with his eyes half rolling backwards, I could hear him so clearly but I couldn't speak or move a single bit.

"All done! I'll start taking the patches off."

Nurse Min starts to remove the patches on my skin as Dr Cho dissembles the machine hooked up to me. I'm still staring numbly.

"Those are all the tests for today Hyunjin. You'll get your results in a few hours, during that time you can go and get some food in the hospital. Is your career meeting you today?"

I'm sure Changbin is meeting me, I hope he is anyways..

"He is."

Nurse Min finishes removing the sensors then does the same as what Dr Cho did just minutes before, she slides off her gloves but she doesn't get new ones she throws them away then washes her hands. I hurriedly grab my sweater, I can't wait to finally put it back on. As soon as the cotton lays onto my skin I feel safe again, that warmth I missed hugs me in all the right places. I grab my phone preparing to message or call Changbin but he's ahead of me, two messages from Seo Changbin. I read them carefully, making sure not to miss a single detail.

'i'm sitting in the coffee shop on the ground floor waiting for you, come quickly i bought you a smoothie ~~'

I smile then scroll to read the next one.

'i'll treat you to a pastry. i haven't seen you eat one in a while , it's a special treat since you're doing well ~ ♡'

My smile across my lips widens, he's so stupid. I look other at Dr Cho then back at my phone, I can't just leave him to sit there..

"My career Changbin is at the coffee shop, can I go meet him?"

Dr Cho nods without hesitation, she has always been lenient and sweet towards me. I continue with my mini head bows then walk out excitingly strolling to the coffee shop, it's only two minutes away from my room so I'm there fairly quick. As soon as I can just about see the open seating area my eyes immediately catch Changbin, he's sitting alone with a smoothie and croissant facing him. I walk up to the table and take a seat without any hesitation.