Lexi wasn't expecting her college years at UA University to blink before her eyes, let alone expect to have feelings for her best friend, Katsuki Bakugo. As the years gone by, both Lexi and Bakugo's desires for each other increases, causing them to...
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Lexi
I couldn't stop thinking about my date with Bakugo. The way we just enjoyed each other's presence without saying a word ... it may not be great to others, but for me,
it was everything.
I've always had a difficult time connecting to people. I had no problem making friends, but only with people that I felt drawn too. I was more conservative; not timid, but defiantly not overly enthusiastic. I guess growing up the way I did had a part to play, but I just always believed that I was born like this. With Bakugo, it didn't feel like I had to overanalyze my next few moves, making sure I had a contingency plan in line just in case.
I felt ... normal around him.
I started realizing this a little bit after our first test in Intro to Criminal Justice. I had just failed the test that I studied so hard for. Bakugo realized that I was upset at the fact that I failed and offered to help me study for the next test. As we studied, he of course made his snarky remarks towards me,
but he was patient.
He helped me pass every single test in every class we had after that. Bakugo became my go-to study partner and over time, my closest friend out of the group.
I could see that we had similarities in our lives: we both were stubborn and determined about the things we set our minds to, we both enjoyed being in solitude over a large group of people; we even had similar tastes in music and hobbies. It was like the more we spent time with each other, the more I learned about Katsuki Bakugo, at least the side that he tried to not show people.
Inside of that hot-headed, arrogant, inferior complex body of his, was a person who was scared to show his true feelings about life. He was kind, loyal, quite hilarious, but most of all, he was compassionate. I didn't realize how compassionate Katsuki could be until after our date.
I would share a few stories with Katsuki of when I was growing up, more than what I would mention to the other guys. I told him the story of how my parents and I would spend time together at the park and how we would just watch the sunset. I told him the story about how I ended up being stuck in a stairway railing. I even told him the story of why I chose UA. With Katsuki, he made it easy for me to slowly open up to him. I had developed the wall that I built around myself and stayed inside of that fortress for so long that I slowly forgot what life was like without it. Bakugo must have seen that. It's not like it was hard to notice, especially for a person like him. I think he saw it because he did the same thing, at least, that's how I see it. That's why I believed that we were similar in some ways. When it came to our date, the minute I noticed the juice boxes, I had realized that Bakugo was listening to me every time I spoke to him about my life.
That moment alone made my feelings for him come back to surface.
When I started to have feelings for Katsuki, I was not only confused, but I was scared as well. I didn't want to be hurt again. I didn't want to feel like the person I was before UA. I always felt like nobody truly understood me. They couldn't understand why I enjoyed being alone at times or why I chose to hyper-fixate on certain things that caught my attention. When I felt like people couldn't understand me, I tried to close that aspect of myself off to people. It may have been in fear of rejection, but mainly, it was in fear of being disappointed again.
I felt like Katsuki was the one person in my life who wouldn't disappoint me, and that was scary for me, so I pushed my feelings down and capped it with a lid. Katsuki may come off to people as "rough around the edges", but to me, he was just ...
authentic.
And I guess that's why I started to have a crush on him ...
***
I spent the next couple of days after our date focusing back on my studies. I didn't want to fall behind, especially after admitting to myself that my feelings for Bakugo were genuinely the beginning stages of loving a person. Bakugo was still around helping me with assignments for classes. I tried not to think about him in those aspects when I was around him, since I didn't know if those feelings were truly mutual.
Yes, Bakugo did ask me out on a date, but he formed it as a fake one after losing a supposed bet.
Yes, Bakugo made the date very memorable for me, but I wasn't sure if it was the same for him.
I didn't want to focus on a budding, potential relationship with Bakugo when there were more things to focus on. I especially didn't want to focus on the things I would think about with him alone in my room. I decided to wait to see if that moment would come around. If it did, great, but if not, at least I wouldn't have to be disappointed in the end.
Everyone had crushes that didn't work out for them and that never stopped them from accomplishing their goals, so why should it happen to me?
It was only a crush; nothing to get too excited about.
