Curious Jealousy- a F!Shenko Fic

Chapter Eleven: Apology

Shepard pressed a hand to her mouth due to...due to some kind of extreme emotion- she wasn't sure if it was from shock, awe, or love- as she read the message again before setting it aside. She ran her fingers over the smooth metal of the key and found herself wanting to cry for no explainable reason.

A Christmas gift from an old boyfriend (two years late) shouldn't have that kind of effect on her. She was certain that she shouldn't let her heart feel such strong emotions for a man that may, or may not, have moved on. There were too many variables for her to be reacting to such a small gift as such.

What was she supposed to do with it anyway? She couldn't wear it when she was out on missions and, since she was the go-to for everyone who needed help, there was times when she had to just jump into her armor and take off.

She wanted to throw it away...and she wanted to clutch it to her chest and sob like a dumb, ditzy woman in a cheesy vid.

Shepard closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before laying it in front of the holo of Kaidan on her desk. Her emotions were pulling her in different directions and that was the easiest way to not end up doing something she'd regret later.

... She wanted to hate him.

Understanding why he said the things he did on Horizon was one thing. She had been working with terrorists that she had gone out of her way on the SR-1 to mess up their operations. She appeared before him, alive and kicking ass, as though those two years had never happened...

And they hadn't for her...

Two years hadn'tpassed for her.

But, had he thought so little of her that she would have willingly gone to Cerberus? Could he have, maybe, listened to her before yelling? He should have let Garrus explain that she was really herself- not some damn Cerberus cyborg clone or whatever (she had a mild interest in Sci-Fi, but Kaidan's interestwayout-did her own).

She chuckled at the thought of being a cyborg clone.

"Just call me a T-X Shepard," she informed the empty room, thinking of the old Terminator 3 vid from the twenty-first.

"Well, if you're talking about one of those super hot terminators, I'll start doing that," Joker informed her over the comm.

With wide eyes, she demanded, "Are you listening in again, Joker?"

She heard him scoff on the other end. "'s not my fault that you activated the comm before you started talking about being a sexy terminator."

She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. There was a part of her that wanted to hate Joker, too. It would be perfectly understandable if she hated him. He was the reason that she had stayed aboard the Normandy and was killed. There were orders in place that limited casualties such as the one she had sustained. He should have evacuated.

But, could she honestly blame him?

Had he not stayed in the helm for that extra amount of time, they would have lost altitude and began burning up in atmo before even half of the crew made it to escape pods. So many more lives would have been lost had it not been for her stubborn pilot.

And he came back.

Oh, she wasn't delusional enough to believe that he came back for her- he came back because Cerberus let him fly. But, when she came back- walking, talking, and kicking Collector ass-, he believed in her. He knew that she was the realCommander Shepard. He didn't need a favor to prove that she was herself, he simply sat down at the helm and flew her to hell and brought her and the crew out on the other side.