Curious Jealousy- a F!Shenko Fic

Chapter Thirteen: Expendable

It took many hours before Kaidan was able to stand by himself, but, even still, he could only remain on his feet for five to ten minutes before his knees started shaking and he had to sit down for a few minutes. He managed to stand three times before Adria ended up making him quit- something about over-taxing his already battered body. He started to argue, but she gave him a glare that reminded him so much of Shepard that he grumbled a little, but did as she ordered.

He was angry that he had yet to take a step, but he was making slow progress. He just wished that everything would hurry the hell up so he could get back out on the front lines. Of course, he was also to receive Spectre status…if he accepted.

Shepard and Adria both thought that he should accept. It was an amazing offer- to be made the second human Spectre was incredible. It was an honor to be one of the best that humanity had to offer- second only to Shepard (and, well, honestly, there wasn't a single person in the galaxy- criminals' aside- who would get too upset over that).

Still, he was expendable. Him getting stuck in the hospital while the war waged on only proved to drive the point home. The survival of the species in the current cycle didn't rely on his survival or depend on his decisions.

That burden rested on Shepard.

Kaidan knew that she wouldn't complain- wouldn't even, truly, reveal her feeling about the whole mess to anyone. Had he had any common sense, she might have talked to him.

Who would be that anyone had been resurrected, though?

He may be expendable, but Shepard wasn't. That was why Cerberus had spent so many creds bringing her back.

Kaidan flicked on his omni-tool and began reading another file on the Lazarus Project.

The title, alone, made him wince.

Mission Report/Project Lazarus Observation

Horizon

Commander Shepard hit the ground running. Her ground team consisted of Garrus Vakarian (a.k.a. Archangel) and Kasumi Goto, but, truly, they just served to slow the Commander down. For this mission, Shepard was the more focused and determined than I had ever seen from her- and it's not like she's ever not focused and determined.

This mission proved that Shepard is an invaluable asset in the war against the Reapers.

Losing more than half the colony was a big blow to her. After the GARDIAN battery sent the Collector ship away, she just stared at the sky where the ship had sat. From her body language and vital signs (see attachments), she felt as though the mission was a failure- despite saving the other half of the colony.

It wasn't until Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko walked in front of her did her stance of defeat loosen- it was still present, but not nearly to the extent it was before Commander Alenko appeared.

When she and Alenko embraced, it was the first time that Shepard allowed herself to relax. Even in the company of Helmsman Moreau, Doctor Chakwas, and Garrus Vakarian, she remains tense and braced.

Not long after breaking apart, Commander Alenko began accusations against her. For the most part, she took every blow against her pride and loyalty- to both him and the Alliance.

In those minutes, she wasn't Commander Shepard, hero and savior, she was nothing more than a heartbroken woman getting falsely accused- being call a liar.

The most surprising thing that she did was ask him to join her Alenko stared at her for a long moment and I was positive that he would say yes- no one refuses when Shepard asks them to join- unless they're nothing more than civilian's holding a gun. But, he told her no- claiming his loyalty is always to the Alliance.