Curious Jealousy- a F!Shenko Fic

Chapter Twelve: Stress and Anger

Shepard stood before the mirror in her bathroom and massaged her temples. She was to play mediator to a meeting with the Salarian Dalatrass, Primarch Victus, and Wrex, yet she couldn't quite force herself into her dress blues…it would be the first time she would wear them since right after the Battle of the Citadel (How pathetic is it that even I think of it in capital letters? she thought disdainfully). Between the headache that was forming (she just knew how the meeting was going to go) and the heartache that still lingered from Kaidan's gift (which was around her neck on the, slightly, thicker than normal silver chain), she was having a rough time.

She picked up the key that rested on her bare chest and closed her hand around it tightly. The metal still remained cool, despite it lingering against her skin for the previous hour. It was nothing more than a painful reminder of what she had lost….

…But she clung to it desperately, none the less.

"Commander, the Dalatrass requests permission to board," Joker said over the comm.

"Permission granted," she sighed.

"You know, I don't think there're too many Salarian's like Mordin."

She rolled her eyes and let the necklace fall back against her skin. "We worked with Salarian's before Mordin, Joker," she pointed out dryly as she slipped her pants on.

"Maybe they were the weird ones," he offered.

"And the Valern- the Salarian Councilor?"

Joker fell silent for a few moments. "Guess I hadn't really thought about him."

"Did you pass along my confirmation, Joker?"

"Are you sure? I could always say that our translators are broke," he offered.

"Joker," she warned (it didn't come out nearly as disapprovingly as was called for, but she understood where he was coming from).

"Alright, alright."

As Shepard made to put her jacket on, Joker came back over the comm. "What about Wrex- can I tell him no?"

Shepard smiled as she buttoned her jacket up and made sure that the key was unseen. "Sure, if you really want to deal with an angry Krogan."

Joker snorted into the comm. "I don't know, Commander, Wrex is pretty tame compared to Grunt."

"Don't tell him that or else you might find your skull cracked from a head butt. Plus," she added absently, slipping on her polished, black dress shoes, "Grunt was like a teenager- Wrex is a lot older."

"Alright," he grumbled. "Both confirmations have been forwarded and I have only one thing to say."

Shepard looked back into the mirror as she made sure everything was neat and in order. "Go ahead."

"You're either really brave, or really stupid."

She laughed. "You just summed up my whole career, Joker." She tucked the chain of her necklace further under her collar. "And my life, honestly." Squaring her shoulders in grim determination (she hated Politics), she made her way to the elevator.

Honestly, she was leaning heavily towards really stupid.

"Okay, Kaidan, we're going to take this slow," Adria said in a voice that was reserved solely for patients- optimistic, yet a gently warning. "What with the trauma to your head, walking is going to be a process- you're not going to be able to just jump down on your feet and take off running. You're going to get really tired after doing very little- don't worry, though, this goes away with time."

Could he love her? Adria- so sweet and feminine…so innocent. She had never taken a life- maybe she lost a few patients, but she never purposefully killed them…never pulled the trigger of a gun. So bubbly and happy….

…So civilian.

Adria would never really understand what he did; she'd listen and maybe respond almost correctly, but she wouldn't understand the stress and toll it took on him mentally, as well as physically (anymore than he could understand the stress her job gave her). She would bandage his wounds if he came home with some and she would work him through his migraines in a way that only a neurologist could. She would give him love freely and a family happily. He doubted that she would raise her voice very often- if at all.

She'd be the perfect wife.

"Kaidan," she interrupted his thoughts gently. "Are you ready?"

She wouldn't force him if he said no. She wouldn't make him push himself. Kaidan wasn't sure whether that was a flaw or not- though he was pretty sure that it was…at least for him.

"Yeah," he said from between his teeth.

His temper was flaring. He should have been able to love her. She was beautiful and gently. Her favorite animal was Earth puppies and she always smelled like lavender- so soothing.

Problem was, when he looked into her gentle, green eyes, he really wanted to see the humored, challenging blue eyes of another.

Kaidan lowered himself to his feet and felt his knees buckle. The only thing that saved him from hitting the ground was his quick reaction- he caught the edge of his bed.

"We can stop anytime you want," she reminded him.

"No," he snapped, struggling to his feet. "I am thirty-five, I can stand on my own two feet, damn it."

Adria gave him a placating smile that irked his nerves. She wasn't going to push or challenge him. She was going to let him give up if he wanted to. "I'm just reminding you."

He looked at her levelly and shook his head. "I'm not stopping until I can stand on my own…today." Despite his haughty, tempered words, he felt exhaustion begin. She hadn't lied- not that he really expected that.

"Then get to it, Major," a ghost-voice of Shepard ordered him in his thoughts.

"Alright," he muttered, lowering himself to put weight on his feet again.