Curious Jealousy- a F!Shenko Fic

Chapter Eighteen: A Letter

It was morning (about 0600 hours).

Actually, it was the morning after he was released from the hospital. Udina had told him to get a good night's rest because he had a lot of work to do.

So, of course, that meant Kaidan only got about two or three hours' worth of sleep.

All he could think about was Hope…and Adria. They were two totally different women and he was busy making a spreadsheet of the pros, cons, and okay aspect of each woman. Problem was, with Shepard, the pros and cons were one and the same.

Example: Pro: Puts life in constant danger to protect others. Con: Put's life in danger to protect others.

The list consisted of more, of course, but it was a rare occurrence when one of his items for Hope didn't go on both sides.

And the middle column- the okay column- didn't have a single word on it for her.

Burying his face in his hands, all he could think of was how high school it was for him to be making a list like that. It wasn't difficult.

Adria was the safe choice.

She was the easy choice.

She would always be at home waiting for him with a bright smile, perfectly styled hair, and wearing civilian clothes.

Adria would listen to him explain the hell he went through while on duty and make sympathetic noises that were meaningless. She would get him a beer and tell him to sit back while she made supper. Of course, she wouldn't drink.

Completely opposite of Shepard.

Hope would listen to his thoughts on a mission and then tell him what he did well and what he did badly, and then offer suggestions to get better- how to think ahead of the enemy. She would grab a bottle of whiskey, a couple of glasses, and curl up with him on the couch. She would drink as much- or more- as him.

Why was that so hard to accept and go with the easy choice?

"I, ah, prefer…adventurous women." He had told Shepard when she inquired about his intentions towards Liara.

And it still held true.

That was the problem.

Shepard would never let him be happy with mediocre. She would always challenge him- push him. Her passion was just as fiery as her temper. She would never cower in fear if someone pointed a gun at her (which happened almost every damn day), she would give a chuckle that made Kaidan's insides tingle and would either try to talk them out of doing it or she would shoot them and then look at him and ask, simply, Do you think the idiots of the galaxy will ever learn?

His terminal beeped, alerting him to a new message. He didn't recognize the sender, but decided to read it anyway.

It wasn't like he was accomplishing much anyway.

When he opened the message, he startled when he heard Shepard's voice says "Dear Kaidan," and looked up to see her- looking pale and scarred up. His heart skipped a beat as she cleared her throat and started again.

Kaidan,

It's been a few years for you, but it hasn't been that long for me. It's February 14 (you know, that stupid day that's supposed to be romantic?) and I've finally been given enough privacy to write a letter to you. Don't think that I haven't wanted to contact you since I woke up two weeks ago, but I had to sit through bullshit with the Illusive Ass (oops, I mean Man- the Illusive Man) and investigate a colony that went dark.