The Heart of an Artist

Colin: Sounds Like Karma

Colin Bridgerton, the third child in the large and boisterous Bridgerton family, was always known for his recklessness and love of adventure. From an early age, he was rarely taken seriously, which perhaps shaped his nature—craving attention yet hiding his true feelings. After their father's death, the roles of parental figures were taken on by his older brothers Anthony and Benedict. Anthony was always strict and demanding, whereas Benedict, with his artistic talent, was closer to Colin in spirit but still saw him as a little boy.

Colin always loved to write. His diaries and notebooks were filled with poems, essays, and entries about his dreams and experiences. It was his way of making sense of his feelings and thoughts, especially when it came to the complicated relationships within the family and beyond. One of those complex topics was Penelope Featherington, his sister Eloise's friend, who had practically become a member of their family. Colin always suspected that Penelope was in love with him. He noticed how her eyes lit up when he entered the room and how she always tried to be near him. However, he tried to ignore it, hoping her infatuation would pass over time.

His family found this infatuation very sweet and often joked that they would definitely get married when they grew up. But to him, Penelope was a friend, and friendship was something Colin valued above all else. He cherished her presence in his life and feared losing her. She was always there, supporting him, and he didn't want to ruin that connection. But every day, his guilt for not being able to return her feelings grew.

The scene with the kiss that happened on graduation day remained forever in his memory. They were sitting on the veranda of the Bridgerton house, and Colin felt that this was a moment of truth. Penelope confessed her feelings to him, and at that moment, Colin realized he had to respond somehow. He approached her and kissed her. For him, it was an attempt to understand his own feelings for her. He was too young to realize that playing with feelings could cause pain. All day after the kiss, Colin couldn't stop thinking about Penelope and what had happened between them. He realized he wasn't ready for a relationship. The thought of serious relationships scared him. Colin always dreamed of traveling and adventures, and the idea of being tied to one place because of a relationship made him panic.

At the graduation party, one of his friends, noticing how Colin was looking at Penelope, asked him directly, "Colin, are you in love with Penelope?" Without thinking, Colin blurted out, "I would never even consider it!" He said it too loudly, attracting everyone's attention, including Penelope's. Her eyes filled with tears, and she ran out of the room. Colin immediately realized he had made a huge mistake.

He blamed himself for that behavior for a long time. That night, he couldn't sleep, replaying every moment of the conversation and his words in his head. The next day, he began writing to Penelope, begging her for forgiveness. He called her, left messages, but there was no answer. Every day he sent her messages of apology, hoping she would forgive him. But there was no response. Weeks turned into months, and Colin began to lose hope.

One morning, when he had almost resigned himself to the thought that Penelope would never forgive him, he received a message from her. It was short but full of meaning: "You are forgiven." Colin couldn't believe his eyes. He reread the message over and over until he was sure it was really from Penelope. But after that, they didn't communicate anymore.

Three years passed, and Colin finally returned to London. His return to the city evoked mixed feelings among all the Bridgertons. They met again at a family celebration. When Colin saw Penelope, he immediately noticed how much she had changed. She looked more mature and confident. As for himself, he felt he hadn't changed at all.

As the years went by, Colin reflected on that day and his actions. In childhood, Colin was always searching for himself but couldn't find his place. He was surrounded by talented and successful siblings, which only heightened his insecurity. Traveling became his way of escaping his sense of inadequacy and finding his place in the world. He visited many countries, studied their culture and traditions, but it didn't bring him the desired satisfaction.