Eyes as black as night.

eyes of sympathy

10, 11, 12- 12 seconds he had been gone. 12 seconds his body had been limp and lifeless, 12 seconds we all stared over our shoulders in silent hope he would emerge from the cave again. Hope- there was no point in hope. Hope for them all to come back, hope for love, hope to be free. Hope is simply another word for delusion. My delusion was for Winston to come back but of course he never did.

The next few hours of walking was purely painful. Nobody spoke, Nobody walked side by side- we just let Thomas lead us through the desert. We each had a long time to think, I thought about a lot. I had begun learning about thr old world and what it had been like before everything. I had learnt about different city's all over the world, like Paris and London. I learnt about seasons, like Summer and Autumn and I learnt about holidays like Chrismas all thanks to her diary.

Way back at the mall when I was with aris and Wren, I swiped the diary of a girl caller Emily faringhall and when we set down for a while I could read a few more pages. I wasn't educated persay but I had some basic lessons as a child. We all did. I could just reminis about the life I lead but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm trying to commemorate Winston.

I played with the two small ring that adorned my increasingly honey fingers. I wondered if Teresa still wore hers or even still had it, I wondered if my mother still wore the matching pendant or weather she shunned it aside after her romantic relations with my father ended. I wondered if my parents still thought if me and Teresa. I wondered if they knew about everything they did to us and I wondered if they knew what had happened to Winston, Though I hope they didn't know about that.

Walking mindlessly, I failed to realise we had stopped for the night. Newt grabbed onto my arm to pull me toward the camp as Thomas and Minho set up a fire. I sat alone in the sand and took out the diary once again, I had left Emily in the middle of a storm while she stayed in a rickety wood shack on the coast of France. People were talking around me but I didnt listen, all i was concerned with was what would happen next in the gripping life of miss Faringhall.

After a while of reading I noticed everyone sleeping around me and only then I realised how tired I really was. I looked to my right to see a sleeping Thomas, next to him a sleeping Newt. To the left Aris and Wren slept close to one another. Feeling a pang of separation in my chest, feeling guilty we had left Winston behind so easily I went and played with Wren and Aris.

I tucked myself under Aris's arm and layed as still as I could. "Yes dove?" He rasped as be began to yawn. I had known he was a light sleeper. "Do you feel bad roostie? For leaving Win like that?" I looked up into his crystal blue eyes, I loved Aris, so warm and kind and tall, slim, gorgeous, muscular...

"Nope" Wren chimed in unremorsfully "Wren!" I shouted as I hit his arm. "Just being honest Dove" he said before going back to sleep. I soon realized Aris had fallen asleep too, but there was still someone else awake to hear my cries.

"Oh princess, dont cry. You know Win hated to see people sad" Newt said spreading his arms, indicating for me to come lay with him. I did as he wanted and layed next to him, my head on his chest. After a few moments silence I finally braved the courage to ask him "Newt, what are we?" It felt awkward as he could've still seen us as friends, or worse, siblings. "Were- well, I mean... were us. Newt and YN. Living. Loving. Laughing. Just surviving. No, being alive, together, as us" he sighed as he finished his sentimental speech "Poetic, I like it, were. Just us. So, no strings?" I giggled at the last comment, I knew he would be jealous. "Oh, you seem to have misunderstood, there is very much strings to this" his eyes shone in the moonlight, they looked more black, darkened with sadness. That was okay though, sadness was human, we were all humans. Humans who needed sleep...

"Newt, I just need you to trust me on this, I would never turn in my friends like that. I promise you." I was out of breath and begging, not a good sign. Newts fists balled at his sides" no one else would! They're your parents!" He was pacing infront of me as I broke down "You know that's not fair, I'm nothing like them, they've abused me and my sister plus hundreds of other children since we were four years old! Why cant you believe me?! there are other people that would do this! It was Wre-" my hand wreached up to slap my shouting blabber mouth. I had just ratted out one of my best friends for something he didnt even do. It wasnt right Thomas was going to leave me and Wren and Aris here all alone. He was going to take my sister, boyfriend and majority of friends and abandon me, why couldn't he see I wasnt like them, why couldn't anyone see that. Why would people look at me with the eyes of sympathy, I was more than just a walking medical condition, sure I had a shit heart, and eating problem and some scars but I was a human none the less.

I was shaken awake after crying in my sleep, head buried into Newt, clinging on for dear life as I was being looked at with the eyes of sympathy again...