The Winner

I Can't Save Us

*Nate*

"Put my railing down and help me. For God's sake's Jonah, put my rail down! Look at her!!"  I yell. "Help me on to her bed or push mine against hers. Do something!" I've lost all control of my emotions now and am taking it out on anyone and everyone around me.

"Nate, you know I don't agree with you going near Julia until she is awake from the nightmare."

"Jonah, I swear to God if you don't help me you can walk out that fucking door.." I sneer. My temper is fired up, but I can't lay here helpless like they all can and watch Jules cry in her sleep. Paul raises his eyebrows at Jonah to make him aware I am anything but kidding.

Trisha just rolls on her side to face away from the chaos.

 Jonah takes a breath and then looks over to Paul. 

"Fine. Help me move his bed over so it's against hers, but Nate, you get injured that's not on me." Jonah gets off the recliner and Paul off the chair, and they  lower both railings and push the beds together. I painfully inch my way, throwing out profanities left and right,  and make it on to Julia's bed. She can't move over anymore because her casted leg is hanging from the sling  so I try to scoot over as close as I can. I wrap my IV free arm around her and  slide under her enough so he head is on my chest.

"Jules.. .You're ok, love. I'm right here with you. I've got ya. You're ok." I would normally be rocking her from side to side to console her, but there's no way I can physically do that. I close my eyes and ignore anyone else in the room so I can focus solely on her. 

 "It's just a dream, doll. Time to wake up."

Her cries are so shallow and sad. She's grieving in her sleep. It's not the excruciating, painful cry a mother produces when they've lost their child either. I'm used to hearing that cry from Julia. This one is soft, light, and so sad.  She's thinking about James.

"He's gonna be ok.  He's gonna pull through and be just fine. Ok? C'mon Jules.. wake up." I kiss the top of her head and feel her tears wetting through my hospital gown onto my chest. Her fists are clenched into tight balls, so her knuckles are white, her body is stiff, rigid, but her cries are soft.

"She's not waking up." I look up at the nurse, now concerned. 

"It's probably all the Ativan and pain meds." Jonah responds. "She probably can't wake herself up the way you want her to."

"Well, she can't stay in this dream! Get a fucking doctor!!" I snap. Paul is the one to open the door and leave to find someone to help.

"Nate. You need to calm down. I'm serious. That temper of yours isn't going to help her. It's certainly not gonna calm her. And  it's not gonna save him. Reel it in."

"You don't think I know that?! I SAW him.  Jonah, I made the nurse take me down to see him. Nothing's gonna save him. Don't you get it?! We can't fucking save him!" I begin to spiral downhill  now and cry.

"All I can see whenever I close my eyes is James in the state he is in now and it fucking breaks me, ok? It's bad. It's so fucking bad!"

"Ok... hey. Ok." Jonah says in a softer tone, trying to get me to take it down a notch. My monitor is letting me know my blood pressure is rising. Jonah hits the button and pats my shoulder a few times. "I get it, man."

But I can't stop crying. This fucking medicine. I'm blaming this fucking medicine.

*****

*Julia*

I wake up to the bright lights on, a wet face cloth on my forehead and Nate in my bed. I can't really sit up much but I know what happened. I know what happened because it's all I can see. The crash.  Nate trying to unbuckle my seatbelt. The feeling of being stuck, unable to move. All the sounds around me as they hack away at the car to get me out.