The Winner

Tell Me Lies

I look down at the clean, sterile tile floor and close my eyes. Maybe not hearing anything is a blessing in disguise. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

"There we go." The physician smiles.

Trisha lets out a sigh of relief. I look up, but don't let out the same sigh of relief.

"It's usually extremely difficult to hear a baby's heartbeat with a handheld Doppler machine this early. The internal ultrasound is the most accurate way to check for a fetal heartbeat at this stage. But it is there, faint." The obstetrician says and points to a tiny speck on the screen.

Trisha smiles, but I swallow hard and feel the color drain from my face, making her smile fade. She squeezes my hand and gives me a sympathetic look as the doctor studies my face.

After making sure this appointment would be completely confidential due to my job, the physician scheduled the appointment before the office officially opens to her general patients for me. It's barely eight in the morning, and already, my stomach is tied in a knot, and I'm panicking internally.

"Sorry. He's still in a little bit of shock." Trisha explains. "This wasn't something that was planned."

"Well, you DO have options." The young woman hands Trisha a folder with all sorts of pamphlets, She takes it but doesn't open the folder.

"I don't want an abortion. Right, Nate? That's not what we want."

I swallow hard again, and Trisha glares at me.

"Sorry. I think I just need a little air."

"Of course." The doctor nods.

"I'll meet you at the car." I put my baseball cap on and quickly exit the building in time to turn and throw up my breakfast into the nearest bush. I get sick three times in a matter of five minutes before my stomach is empty. Just enough time for Trisha to get dressed and come out.

"Jesus Christ.." She mutters. "Really, Nate? I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one throwing up, not you. What the hell is your problem?" She has the compassion that of a cardboard box lately.

"I'm fine." I lie. I take off my hat and wipe my forehead.

"Nate. We need to talk about this. Because it's happening whether you like it or not." She huffs and walks to my car.

"Well aware..."

"God. When are you gonna come to terms with this and accept this is our reality?" She looks at me while I unlock the door.

"I don't know, Trish. What do you want me to do, lie to you, and be ecstatic? Cuz I'm less than thrilled." I throw my hands up in the air.

"YES! Please. Lie to me. Because it doesn't matter how you feel right now. Or me. I'm not getting an abortion so you can get that option right outta your head, Hollan."

"I didn't even SAY anything about ANYTHING!!" I slam the door and start the engine.

"Oh, please. I can read you like a book, Nate." Trisha throws the folder in the back seat angrily and looks out the passenger window while I speed home.

We remain silent for a good ten minutes while I weave in and out of traffic to get home.

"Can you fucking slow down?" She looks over. "And put your seatbelt on!!" She yells making me flinch.

I was so caught up in our fight that I didn't notice Trisha is in the middle of a full blown panic attack. She's holding on to her seatbelt and her chest is heaving a mile a minute while she tries to steady her breathing. Sweat is dripping from the side of her face mixed with her tears.