The Beginning Of An End

Chapter 26

A/N: old habits die screaming, as Taytay said

The darkness that had consumed my mind was ever-present for days that came. It was like Abaddon's words of advice had an opposite effect on me. Sometimes I wondered if I was worthy of the title of a king given the circumstances and emotions I was subjected to and was unable to escape.

For the several days, Loki's words were ringing in my head, when he told me none of it was supposed to happen. The whole charade could've been easily avoided and the resentment was slowly growing in me. He came, turned my world upside down, and then left without elaborating. Even though such action should've been expected from a trickster god like him, I couldn't help but feel hurt, betrayed and overall weak. I was truly struggling to find the right thing to feel about everything that had transpired. And yet no matter how deep I delved into the problem, the answer that I kept coming up with was - there was no point agonizing over it anymore. The end's near, the curtain's drawn and all we were left with was love that was never meant to stay.

"Abaddon's not joining the cause," I said dryly, sitting next to Beelzebub at the bar. At this point, doing anything felt like I was dragging myself through the mud. So tedious and strenuous. "So we're left... with just three of us. He gave few pieces of the advice though." I mumbled, taking a sip of the bourbon in the glass.

"That's a shame," Beelzebub sighed as he slumped into the chair. "We could've really used his help. What did he advise?"

I stared into my drink, the dark liquid swirling in the glass. "He said to focus on our allies and not let emotions cloud my judgment, but at the same time, not repress them. Easier said than done."

Beelzebub nodded slowly. "That's actually solid advice, even if it's hard to follow. Especially now."

I scoffed. "Yeah, well, it doesn't change the fact that we're still up against impossible odds. And I can't stop thinking about Loki... how he just left, how everything went to hell after he showed up."

Beelzebub was silent for a few seconds, as if rummaging through his mind to find the right words. "I can only imagine what you're going through. Love isn't an easy emotion to handle for a human, let alone a demon who isn't supposed to feel it," he said, his words ringing with truth. For the first time, I felt understood. It was relieving that he got it, but then again, he always seemed to.

I let out a long breath, the weight of my emotions momentarily lifting. "It's like being torn in two directions at once. One part of me wants to fight, to hold on to what I had with Loki. The other part just wants to forget it all, to bury it and move on."

"Well, as Abaddon said, you have to find balance."

"But how do you do that?! Where's that balance everyone always speaks of?!" I exclaimed out of frustration and I buried my face in my hands for a few seconds. Then, I glanced at the glass and downed the rest of the liquid.

"Unfortunately, Asmo... I don't know." Beelzebub's response struck somewhere deep inside, making me realize that I would never find an answer. Demons were not supposed to feel this. Mammon loving Lucifer nearly destroyed him, and now I felt like I was the one dying. For a brief moment, I understood Mammon. This was impossible to navigate.

So, I let the matter drop. There was no point in searching for answers because nobody had them. Not even I. Once more, I let out a heavy sigh and then leaned into the chair, feeling the weight of the conversation pressing down on me. The dim lighting of the bar cast shadows on the walls, adding to the somber atmosphere.

"Anyway... what's Mammon up to? Did you find a way to keep him down?" I asked, trying to shift the focus to something more manageable.

"He surprisingly seems to be minding his own business," Beelzebub replied, swirling his drink thoughtfully. "Ever since he's been given back his position, he's more than fine. At least he appears to be." He shrugged, but there was a hint of skepticism in his eyes. "I'm still keeping an eye on him, though. You never know with Mammon. He's like a snake, always ready to strike when you least expect it."