Lunette- The Tales of Moonlight

loml

Summary: 

"It doesn't stop it from hurting."

"You loved Kai and so did he," Iko whispers, and Cinder ponders on the word loved, past tense. No one loves each other anymore.

"-but it's been a while. I want you to be happy, just like Kai is."

When Kai's engagement news gets to Cinder, she wonders where it all went wrong. 

..

Cinder's Perspective:

"Selene," Lyra huffed, throwing hands as she walked into the room, "- You don't have to act tough all the time."

Cinder looked puzzled by that remark, yet continued to apply her moisturizer, "Don't think calling out Mr. Walter is acting tough, Ly!"

Everyone in her counsel hated that man's guts- he had a skill for punching the Lunar economy with ideas of Intergalactic War, something the dilapidating Lunar aristocrats weren't fond of. His unending fortune gave him a position at Imperial Lagu and Cinder along with others was forced to entertain his opinions.

"Mr. Walter?!" She said, lifting herself from the bed, "-Why are you thinking of him right now?"

"What's with you? I know Mr.Walter looks decent but you cannot pay me enough to think about that man."

"Selene," she said, voice layered with caution as she pointed," You don't know."

Now that catches her attention, she moves in her seat, seeing how Lyra is pacing the small space between her bed and dressing and wonders what might have gotten her in that state and how it concerns Cinder.

"What do I not know?"

"I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news," She says, crouching before her as she examines her, "- I don't know how to break-"

"Just say it already!" She hisses, her nerves getting to her, not knowing what is making her move so anxiously makes Cinder uncomfortable in her seat.

She swipes up her retina scanner, waiting till it loads up news articles- Luna has nothing happening that could make Lyra fret over like that. She scrolls further down to the Earth Segment and notices the picture of Kai first, only to read the devastating title later.

"Kaito announced his engagement," The words are out of Lyra's mouth around the same time she reads the title, 'Heartthrob Emperor Kaito ties knots with his partner Chen Daiyu'.

The initial shock wears off as Lyra takes her by her shoulders, "Are you ok?"

"Uh- yes, yes. I'm- Lyra, could you please ask Iko to cancel the meeting?" She requests, eyes still focused on the long articles of congratulations and hearty wishes offered to the Emperor and his fiancee.

The shock gave room for her other emotions- despair, rejection, resentment, jealousy. Cinder couldn't fathom why the news was affecting her enough that she had to stop all her daily activities, it wasn't like her, even if it was over Kai.

She hadn't seen him for a year, and hadn't had any conversation for longer- Kai was just someone she had dated, another person lost to her. So why did it hurt so much to know that he was getting married?

"Selene, do you need me to call a doctor?" Lyra questioned, trying to get her mind away from the dilemma. She shook her head in denial, requesting instead to be left alone. Lyra agreed with much reluctance after Cinder assured her of not doing anything reckless.

However, once she was alone in the company of her grey walls, a sob escaped her lips, and she shut her eyes, wishing for the black void behind her eyes to swallow her until all her problems vanished. The retina scanner offered no comfort as it kept buzzing with newer tweets and notifications of handsome Kai and his ever-beautiful fiancee, who was Earthen and a human and everything Cinder could never truly be.

She released a vulnerable cry, the throbbing headache making her whimper, her body giving multiple signs of 'increased body temperature', 'onset of panic' and 'breathing level dropped'. It felt like drowning, like her lungs were collapsing on her, and she couldn't try to fill them with air- Cinder wasn't certain if she wanted them filled with air, this agony would take away her life but it seemed better than watching Kai being happy.

Whoever phrased, loving someone means letting them go; didn't love them enough to beg them to stay.

Did Cinder love Kai enough to beg him to stay?

She couldn't answer that, her insecurity made her too bitter in the later days of their relationship, and she couldn't beg for his love. She didn't beg for it, but looking back she wishes she had.

She wishes she had listened to Kai, and had let him convince her like he always did instead of being adamant. He had begged her for more time and Cinder had become a dunce, stomping all over his heart- even her heart. If there was anyone to blame, it should be Cinder.

...

The next time her thoughts clear, she finds her hands wrapped around her midriff, limbs pressed to it and sees Iko sitting a few feet away from her.

"I cancelled the meeting."

Cinder doesn't say anything, staring at the ceiling above her, and wonders if Priya was planning the wedding details as she struggles to breathe.

"Cinder," Iko sighs, eyebrows furrowed, her eyes flash grey before they turn to her usual blue, "You knew this would happen."

"It doesn't stop it from hurting."

"You loved Kai and so did he," Iko whispers, and Cinder ponders on the word loved, past tense. No one loves each other anymore.

"-but it's been a while. I want you to be happy, just like Kai is."

"I miss him," she admits, "and it hurts how everyone expects me to break at the mention of his name and I do. Lyra said I could not do any work today because Kai announced his engagement. How rubbish is that, expecting me to lament like a teenager!"

She is hysterical, hands enveloping Iko as she closes on her, fingers moving through her hair, as she soothes Cinder.

"Shush, you are a tough baby. But you cannot move on without accepting that you have lost Kai and the future you had with him, and unless you do that, you will continue to lament."

"I didn't want to lose him, Iko." Cinder mumbles, nose pressed against bosom as she heaves.

"I know, I know," Iko mutters, rocking her body as she continued. Cinder heard bitter words that were tough to digest but like she had admitted prior, it had been her fault.

She had lost Kai in this life and there wasn't anything to do about it, only to accept the fact that Kai had moved on and it would be wise for her to do the same.

But today, in the knowing embrace of Iko, she would grieve the kind yet confused boy who had fallen in love with her, the young Emperor who was ready to sacrifice himself for his people, the considerate man she had fallen in love with. And tomorrow she would give the couple her best wishes, like anyone should have.

_

fin