Forgetting the Apocalypse

53. Not Going To Lie

Riva's Pov*

Why, just why does time seem to stand still when all you want is for it to go by? It felt like everything around me was running a tenth of the speed it normally does. I tried to keep myself busy with the dogs. Mara was busy with trying to nurse Fredi and eventually would herself, Roone was busy with... with Kailee.

I brought them all the stuff they needed but afterwards, I just brought the dogs in the kennel room and shut the door. If they needed anything then obviously I would go out to help them but I was secretly praying they wouldn't. She had passed out and was unconscious but I couldn't bare the thought of facing Kailee. It was my fault. If I had just stayed, if I hadn't gone out the window then I would have been able to help them. I would have been able to make sure that her baby brother would have gotten out.

He'd still be alive.

Duke brushes up against my leg and gently raises his paw to my cheek. I didn't know when I started crying but now the tears won't stop. They just keep coming and when I hear a sob coming from the next room I patted Duke's big head and went to check through the little window on the door. I saw my brother kneeling down clinging onto Mara. The shake of his shoulders tells me that the sobs were coming from him. Although Mara was crying too, her cries were silent as she tucked into my brothers neck.

Fredi had his hand on her shoulder but his gaze was elsewhere. I followed his eyes and finally looked up on the girl that had become my everything. My stomach churned with how still she was and I took such a deep breath when I finally saw her chest move with her breathing.

A little whine had my attention turning back to the dogs who were all sitting staring at me. I wiped my tears away and went to go look again at the small closet used for storage. With the amount of unopened boxes in there, there should be some more things that could still be useful.

I was amazed at how much there was left. It may be a veternary clinic but they still pretty much used the same medical supplies as human clinics. One thing I was excited to see, even more so than our little companions was dog food. At least a dozen bags of dry food and two crates of wet food. I started ripping into them both and getting some bowls when a thought hit me.

Blackie, Jack, Saphira and my Duke have always eaten the same food we have. Well not everything as us but meat and some chips every now and then. Stuff that were safe for them to eat. However they've never had any kind of dog food before. I looked at the four of them who were watching me with curious eyes. What if they react badly to it? Like get some diarrhea or vomiting.

"Shit." I whispered to myself.

Unsure of what to do, I thought it best to wait on it and just put my attention to the boxes. Even though were going to be here a while, it's best to know everything we have now.

Six days later

My mother told me that no matter how much something makes you uncomfortable or you dislike something, it's best not to beat around it and just do it. So when Kailee woke up the third day, I was the first one by her side. Well second because my brother made sure to look everything over first. But I was the first person she asked for.

Be it good or bad I didn't care. It made me smile on the inside when I heard her call for me. It wasn't until I started walking towards her when I felt like I might throw up. I was constantly blaming myself for the loss of her brother but if she did too I would be crushed.

There were tears in her eyes when she finally saw but I almost shit myself when she smiled at me. My step faltered a bit until she stretched out her hand to me.

"Get your ass over here right now!" she demanded.

I rushed over and took her hand as she pulled me in for hug. I didn't think I could cry anymore until she whispered in my ear. "It wasn't your fault."

I pulled back immediatley, not being able to hide the shock from my face. All she did was smile at me more. Her hand caressing my cheek.

Her voice held no judgement or coldness. "I mean it. Tell me I'm wrong, that you haven't been blaming yourself this entire time."

I was at a loss of words but that was all the confirmation she needed. The wince she made as she adjusted herself to a better seating position got me moving. I helped adjust her as best without hurting her and she took that opportunity to grab my chin and pull me in for a kiss.

I felt a little guilty with how amazing it felt. I never thought my first kiss would be like this but then again who's first kiss ever goes according to plan.

She pulled away first and wiped away both our tears. "I won't lie to you and say I'm ok. It hurts more than anything I've ever felt and experienced. I won't lie and say to you that when I woke up I was glad to be alive. I won't lie to you and say that I'm not filled with burning rage. However, I will tell you the truth that when I woke up you are the first person I wanted to see. I will tell you the truth that despite all the pain I feel right now, looking into your eyes still makes me want to smile. I will tell you the truth that not for one second do I blame you for what happened."

Without a doubt both of us are ugly crying right now. I pulled her in for another kiss and cried on her shoulder. How could she not blame me? I didn't want to believe it but I knew that she and Mara shared that same trait. They don't say something if they don't mean it.

I didn't want to let go of her now that I had her in my arms but my brother just had to interrupt us. If he wasn't holding two bowls of food then I would've punched him but he just handed them both to me. "Try to eat as much as you can but don't force yourself."

My girl just nodded to him and sat the bowl on her lap. I was a little torn in asking her if she wanted me to help or just flat out helping her. Turns out she didn't need my help at all. Her hand was a little shaky but she managed to scoop up the food with the spoon just fine. After watching her for a little bit just to make sure she was good I dug in myself.

We ate in silence and when she was done with her plate she had trouble keeping her eyes open. Taking her bowl and placing it on the counter I helped her recline a bit so she could sleep. I was going to take the bowls when her hand shot out to grab my wrist.

"Please don't leave me alone." she mumbled.

I sat back down and held her hand in mine, "Never."