Impavid

Time Flies

     The last week and a half of school flew past. Saturday was Melanie's senior prom, which Dave accompanied her to. She prepared for graduation as I finished up finals. All that was on my mind was camp, which I had finally convinced my mom to officially say yes to. I was leaving in less than two weeks! After the incident with Dave, despite it blowing over fairly quickly, I seemed to spend a lot more time in my room with a lack of human interaction.

     There was a knock on my door that Friday night. "We're going out to dinner to celebrate Mel's graduation tomorrow," My mom had said. She had even suggested I invite Sophie. 

     "My stomach hurts," I lied, knowing Dave would be there. I couldn't take his eyes staring at me anymore. I was already feeling homesick, despite not even leaving yet, and spending time with Dave only made me more nauseous than I usually already was. 

     Thinking of Dave's words, I decided to take advantage of the empty house. I did it in different ways, though. I started off turning my music up as loud as I could so no one could hear me screaming. Then, I took a slow walk through of the house, thinking about how much my life had changed and would continue to change. Tears pricked at my eyes as I thought about how I'd be leaving for six weeks and when I returned, Melanie would be leaving for school. 

     Even though we fought quite a bit, I couldn't imagine living without my sister next school year. I sat down at the kitchen table to think when I heard it.

     It was the first time I'd heard it in a few weeks. I didn't even realize how much I had missed the sound. I didn't even realize how happy I felt hearing it until I caught myself smiling. I glanced out the window, assuming to find Luke dribbling a basketball down the court like he used to. Instead, I found Max. 

     That was enough to push me over the top. I hadn't realized how much Luke's happiness had meant to me until he lost it. Things had been so awkward and tense since we each witnessed the kisses. I jumped from my chair before I even realized what I was doing. I left the front door wide open as I dashed from the house. Tears blurred my vision, and I found myself running. 

     I tried not to think. I tried to let myself go to whatever place came to mind. I suspected to find myself either running right up to Max or past him and to the door behind him. I was surprised to find my legs turn, taking a different path. I ran down the street, tears streaming down my cheeks. Everything had just gotten to be too much. I was pretty sure this was what a mental breakdown felt like. 

     "Luke!" I heard Max's voice echoing behind me. 

     "What?" That voice I had grown to both love and hate so much questioned. 

     I assume Luke caught a glimpse of me, as I suddenly heard him calling my name. I could hear his feet hitting the concrete, and I assumed he was chasing me. At first, I fought it. I didn't want him to see me cry. I hated when people saw me cry. 

     "Carson, slow down!" 

     I could feel him getting closer, as the noise of his shoes grew louder. He was running as fast as he could, but I had gotten enough of a head start that he hadn't quite caught up. 

     And then I stopped.

     He was close enough that he couldn't stop in time, barely missing me as he barreled past. 

     "What the hell, Carson?" He shouted, spinning around to look at me. I didn't say anything, but the look on his face softened as his eyes met mine. He could tell I was crying. He didn't say anything this time. Instead, he just moved toward me, extending his arms and pulling me to his chest. I sobbed against him, my body shaking beneath his strong arms. He didn't speak for at least a minute, which I was thankful for. By that time, I was already calming down a little. 

     "You know, you left your front door open." He laughed. I just grabbed a fistful of his cotton tee in response. "Carson, talk to me." 

     I pulled back, glancing up at him. "I'm sorry." I wiped my eyes. I was obviously embarrassed. I hadn't even talked to Luke in days, and now I just completely lose my mind in front of him? 

     "Tell me what's going on," He whispered, and I was surprised at how comforting his voice was. 

     I nodded, agreeing to this. I still didn't speak, though. 

     "Okay, how about this? Let's go back to your house, and you can talk when you're ready?"

     This sounded like a good idea, earning another nod from me. I still didn't move, though. 

     "Okay." He laughed. "How about I carry you?" I didn't have time to answer before he took my hand in his. "How about we just sit here?" He suggested instead. He moved a few inches away to the tree he almost crashed into, sitting at the base of it. His back rested against the trunk, branches hanging over him, shading him from the almost-summer sun. 

     His hand tugged at mine, and I moved to sit beside him. I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. We sat like that for a while before I spoke, "Dave just ruins everything." 

     Both of us kept staring forward at the direction we had came from. Neither of us said anything for a minute, and I realized he was waiting for me to explain. 

     "My whole family's out at dinner tonight to celebrate Lanie's graduation, and I was too afraid to go because it's so awkward with Dave there! All he ever even talks about is Mel. Doesn't he have his own life? He just makes me feel so uncomfortable, but I miss being around Melanie so much. With Lane going to school next year, I hoped I could spend some time with her, just the two of us. It just sucks that he has to be around all the time.  He makes things so damn awkward." 

     I could tell he was waiting for me to say more, to mention the kiss. When I didn't, he got the hint that it was his turn to speak. He must have sensed that I needed a laugh, as his next comment was unpredictable and ridiculous. 

    "You know what's weird?" He asked me, and I lifted my head to look at him. "Normal people have one name and one nickname. I'm Lucas. Luke. You're Carson. Carse." I didn't know where he was going with this. He laughed again before continuing. "Your sister has a million names. I just heard you call her Melanie, Mel, Lane, and Lanie in like less than ten sentences." 

     I laughed, realizing that that's exactly what I had done. 

     We sat in silence for a minute before I spoke again.  "Things have been weird between you and I, too," I stated. When he didn't say anything, I continued to talk. "I felt like you were going to tell Melanie about what you saw with Dave and me, and I don't want to fight with her. I miss hanging around with her so much. I barely even saw her go to her prom. Little sisters are supposed to be there! We're supposed to take pictures and tell her how pretty she is, and I couldn't even look at her. She was so happy, kissing Dave and hanging all over him. I couldn't even look at that. I feel so guilty, and you knew and," I spoke quickly before he interrupted me. 

     "I wasn't going to tell." He looked at me. "I thought we were just playing around."

     "Playing?" I snapped at him, "You haven't even talked to me!" 

     "Carson." He tried to speak, but I was already standing. "Don't you run off again, Carson."  

      I crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my eyes on his. He was still sitting as I stood before him. "Sit down, Carson." 

     It made me uncomfortable how many times he said my name. His voice wasn't comforting anymore. It was demanding and harsh. I turned my back, willing myself not to cry again. 

     "Carse," He whispered. It was the first time I'd ever heard him call me that, prompting me to turn and look at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I felt so awkward after you saw me with Aly."

     "It wasn't my business," I repeated for the hundredth time. 

     What he said next made me freeze, only blinking in response.