Impavid

Happy

     I yawned, using the remote to flip through the channels on the huge television that had found its home on the stand in the corner of our floor lounge. I pressed the button again. Nothing good was on. 

      As I clicked it once more, my heart started to beat faster. I watched as someone dribbled down the court, and, as their feet came off the ground, the ball danced through the hoop. 

     I glanced over at my phone, as it sat peacefully on the wooden coffee table my feet were resting on. I clicked 'mute,' leaned forward, and yanked it into my hand. I scrolled through letter after letter, pausing on 'L'. I selected Luke's name, holding it up to my ear. 

     "Come on, Luke." I mumbled, as it rang once, twice. 

     "What?" Luke's voice was sharp, filled with annoyance and frustration.

     "Luke." 

     "What do you want, Carson?"

     "Do you want to get lunch sometime?"

     "Not really." Luke mumbled. 

     "Why are you acting like this?" I snapped.

     "Oh, I don't know." Luke pretended to think. "Maybe because I just caught the only girl I've ever loved in bed with someone else. That could have something to do with it."

     "I know you're hurt." I leaned back, my head resting on the blanket draped over the back of the couch. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

      "I don't really have any place to talk," Luke's voice was soft. "I hurt you, too."

     "I don't really know what to say, Luke." 

     "You don't have to say anything." 

      "Can we get lunch?"

      "Where's your boyfriend?" His voice was harsh again.

      "Forget about him. Can we get lunch? I want to see you."

      "You didn't deny it."

      "Luke!" I was so frustrated. 

      "You two are dating now?"

      "Yes." 

      "Goodbye, Carson." 

     "Luke, wait --"

      I dropped my phone onto the couch beside me, clicking the off-button on the top of the remote. I didn't want to see another second of basketball. I wiped at my eyes quickly, attempting to stop the tears that threatened to spill out. 

      I didn't especially want to go find Chase or Rachel, so I just sat, staring at the black screen. I heard the door open and close behind me, but I didn't turn to find out who it was. I could hear the sounds of papers rustling, as whoever it was got settled at the large, circular table in the center of the room.

      "Are you okay?" 

      I turned slowly, my watery eyes meeting Rachel's. 

     "What are you doing in here?"

     "Homework," Rachel answered easily. 

     "It's Saturday morning," I responded just as quickly. "You never do homework on Saturday mornings."

     "Okay." Rachel laughed. "You caught me."

     "How'd you know I was in here?"

     "Lucky guess." Rachel smiled. "Why are you crying?"

     "Boys." I grunted. 

     "Are you and Chase fighting?" Rachel raised her eyebrows. When I shook my head, she continued. "Oh. You talked to Luke?"

      "Yeah." I felt myself start to cry again. "He doesn't want to see me."

       "Honey," Rachel moved quickly to sit beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "can you really blame him?"

       "I guess not." I sighed. 

       She was right. I guess if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want to see him either. I had just hoped that after everything Luke and I had been through in such a short time, things wouldn't be so tense between us. 

      "Do you want me to go get Chase? He always knows how to cheer you up."

      "No." I shook my head. "I don't want him to know about this."

      "Carson, he knows how hard this Luke thing is for you."

      "I don't want him to think I'm having any doubts."

      "Are you?" 

      "I don't know." 

      Rachel reached over, grabbing my phone from where I had left it. She slid it into my hand, closing my fingers around it. "Call him."

     "Who?"

    "Whichever one you thought of first when I said it."

     "Luke won't talk to me." 

      "Try." 

       I nodded, but I didn't make any effort to dial his number. I just stared forward at the black screen. 

       "Try," Rachel repeated. 

       I dialed his number, holding it up to my ear once more. It rang three times before he picked it up. I could hear him breathing, but he didn't say anything. I could tell he had been crying. I didn't say anything either, just listening to him breathe in and out. 

       Finally, he spoke. "I don't know what you want me to say, Carson."

      "I don't either," I admitted. "I just want you to say something."

     "What happens when you come back home?" 

     "I don't know," I mumbled. "You can't plan this stuff. I didn't plan on meeting someone."

     "I know you didn't."

     "I'm really sorry."

     "Does he make you happy?" Luke questioned. 

     "Yeah." 

      "Carson, I think I should hang up."

      "Why?" 

      "I don't want to start any trouble between you two. I want you to be happy."

       "You made me happy, too."

      "It wasn't enough."

      "Luke."

      "Goodbye, Carson."

     "Bye," I whispered. 

     Neither of us made any move to hang up, though. We just listened to each other as we faintly sniffled and sighed for a few more seconds. 

      As I heard the door to the lounge open, Chase's voice filled the air. "Hey, there you guys are."

     I pulled the phone from my ear, clicking 'end' immediately. I wiped at my eyes again before turning to look at him. His smile disappeared and his eyes widened. "What's wrong?"

     "Nothing," I promised. "Nothing's wrong."