Impavid

Crazy

      "I needed to see you," I whispered. 

      I didn't move from where I was standing. My eyes slowly moved from his, taking in the familiar room. I had only been up here a few times, but it was something I remembered. I took in the basketball trophies and the blue walls. 

      "Come here." 

      I let out a deep breath that I didn't even realize I was holding as he invited me in. 

      I moved slowly to sit on the edge of his bed. He looked nervous, but he was obviously trying to play it off. My fingers fumbled with the corner of his comforter, as he turned the remote idly in his hand. Neither of us spoke for what felt like hours. 

       "When did you get home?" 

      As much as I hated small talk, I was thankful for it in this moment, as I responded. 

      "Like ten minutes ago,"

      "How long are you here for?" 

      "We're leaving tomorrow." 

      "We?" He looked up at me. 

       I looked down at my fingers as they tangled themselves into the grey fabric. I didn't know if I should answer his question, as I was sure he'd already figured out the answer based on my lack of eye contact.

      "What did you want to talk about?" He changed the subject. 

      "I just don't like where we're at right now," I admitted. 

      I reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I knew that this talk was going to be hard, but I wasn't expecting it to be this bad. I had spent quite a while in the car mentally planning out our conversation. I knew the things I wanted to tell him, and I knew the things I wanted to hear him say. I also knew, however, that that isn't how life works. The second I opened my mouth, the words I had planned escaped me. From what he said next, it was clear Luke was just as unsure as I was. 

     "I don't know what to say, Carson. You're with someone else."

     "That doesn't change anything," I mumbled.

     "It changes everything!" 

     I looked up quickly, startled by the way he raised his voice. He jumped up from the bed, walking quickly across the room. He kept his back turned to me, and he locked his fingers together, resting them over the back of his head as he gazed out the window. 

      "It doesn't change how we feel about each other," I whispered.

     "Why are you being such an idiot?" Luke snapped, turning around. 

      I had been trying not to blink as my tears threatened to spill over. The second I saw his watery eyes, though, I lost it. I wiped at my cheeks quickly, trying to hide the fact that I was now crying. 

      "I'm not being an idiot." I folded my arms over my chest. "I deserve to be with someone who..."

       Luke lunged at me, closing the distance between us. He interrupted me mid-sentence, shouting out his feelings. "Someone who loves you? You have that! I'm right here!"

       "Luke, calm down." 

      "I love you, Carson. I don't know what else I can say."

      "I didn't know..."

      "Don't." He held up a hand, narrowing his eyes. "Don't you dare say you didn't know that I loved you. Don't say I didn't make it obvious that I loved you."