Broken but not shattered

Chapter 11

Marjorie's POV

"Oh, my love, what's wrong? Talk to me". Walking closer to the bed, I notice Siobhan breathing very shallowly. She still has yet to acknowledge I'm even there. I slowly sit next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. This startled her and caused her breathing to get worse. I realized she was having a panic attack. I quickly pulled my hand back "My love, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, but I need you to breathe." 

I didn't know what to do. I mean, I have dealt with people having panic attacks before, but Siobhan and I have so much history that I don't know if it's right for me to be the one to help her. Maybe I should get Vivian, but as I'm getting up, she gently reaches for my wrist and looks me in the eye. She never said a word, but she didn't have to. "I'm not going anywhere, Siobhan, never again."

I gently lifted her so I could lay next to her and put her head on my chest. "My love, I know you're mind is going a million miles a minute, and it's overwhelming you. So just listen to my heartbeat. Let the rhythm drown out all other thoughts. Feel my chest rise and fall as I breathe and try and match it. Slow everything down. Know you are safe and loved. Know no matter what happens or what you tell me, I'm never letting you go again."

Siobhan's POV

I knew Marjorie was there. I knew that I was safe in her house. I knew that Roger was nowhere near me, but still, when Marjorie put her hand on me, my mind flashed to all the times Roger hit me, slapped me, and violated me. I felt her pull away and start to leave. I didn't want her to leave, but I couldn't speak, and I could barely breathe. Somehow, I managed to reach for her. We shared a look. As if we could read each other's minds, never having to utter a word. Just like we used to, before I pushed her and everyone else away. 

She laid down with me on her chest. "My love, I know you're mind is going a million miles a minute, and it's overwhelming you. So just listen to my heartbeat. Let the rhythm drown out all other thoughts. Feel my chest rise and fall as I breathe and try and match it. Slow everything down. Know you are safe and loved. Know no matter what happens or what you tell me, I'm never letting you go again."

I realized that somewhere in that speech of hers, my heartbeat slowed down, my breathing steadied, and my mind stopped racing. I lay there for a little bit longer before sitting up. "Thank you, you are surprisingly more calming than I remembered." I joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, well, I had more experience with panic attacks and mental health issues over the years. Turns out I'm quite maternal." She chuckled.

"Let me guess Carly," 

"Yeah, the first time I tried to help Carly through a panic attack, let's just say I was not as graceful as I am now, but it warmed my heart cause there were probably a dozen other people she could have gone to, but she chose me." She finished.

"Don't sell yourself short, Marjorie. Even back then, you always had this calming and nurturing presence." I tried to reassure her.

"Yeah, maybe. I just wish you had felt more comfortable with me back then. I could have helped you. I wish I had pushed harder for you to talk to me; maybe if I had, you would have gone through any of this." She paused, hesitant for some reason. "And maybe this is selfish of me, but I can't help but think if I had pushed harder maybe we would still be friends," she whispered. As if she didn't want me to hear it. To think she believes herself selfish. She is the most selfless person I know.

I put my hand on hers, squeezing it gently before saying, "Marjorie, there was nothing you could have done. Roger already had control of me by that point. I just could see it tell till it was too late. There was nothing you could have said or done to get me to admit to what was happening because I didn't know it was happening. I truly believe he loved me, and I know everyone thinks I was with him for the money, but I wasn't. I did love him. More than I wish to admit. And you are not selfish for missing your friend, and for the record, I missed you too."