Broken but not shattered

Chapter 8

Next morning 

Siobhan's POV

I woke up cuddling up to someone. I don't remember going to bed with anyone last night. I slowly look up and see it's Vivian. I remember her telling me to get some rest and leave. When did she come back? Why am I cuddling up next to her? I might not know when this happened or why, but I know I never want to let go. But I shouldn't feel this way. I was raised to believe that homosexuality is wrong. I can't have feelings for her; I just can't. But how can this feeling that feels so right, so safe, so loving be so wrong? I can't handle this. I need some air.

I slowly got up, making sure not to wake her up. I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. As I round the corner, I see Marjorie with her back to the door making coffee. Silently I walk up to the island and just above a whisper ask "Can I have some?"

I see Marjorie jump and turn around "Oh, my lord, you scared me" she laughed. 

"Sorry," I said in a small voice.

"Don't be sorry, my love. I just wasn't expecting anyone to be up this early. Of course, you can have some," she said, turning around to make another cup before handing it to me and leaning on the counter opposite of me. Continuing "What are you doing up this early? It's like 6 in the morning"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just used to being up early." I answer, looking down into my cup. Marjorie could tell something was upsetting me. "Why are you always up so early?". I looked up into her eyes. I could see she just wanted me to know that she was there for me if I wanted to open up. 

I guess I have to start somewhere."If I wasn't up and ready before Roger, with his morning coffee he would call me a lazy slut, a gold digger, a pathetic whore really anything he could think of, and then he would hit me. So I guess my body just adapted to waking up early to avoid making him mad." I explained.

"Oh, my love, I am so sorry you have had to go through that, but just know he will never be able to get near you again," Marjorie said with tears in her eyes I could tell she was trying to hold back.

"That is sweet of you, Marjorie, but don't make promises you can't keep. You don't know what he is capable of. Not like I do. There is only so much any of you can do to protect me, and I will not be the reason any of you get hurt." I say to her with tears running down my face, 'cause I know when he finds me. It's not a matter of if. It's when he finds me that I will most likely die, and I just have to make peace with that I guess. What I can't make peace with is if anyone else gets hurt because of me. Especially not Vivian. 

"My love, I don't care what he is capable of if he wants to get to you he will have to get through Reece, Autumn, Me, and everyone else at the nursery and if he can manage to do that then he has to get through Vivian and I don't think that woman is going down without a fight," Marjorie said as she walked around the island to sit next to me.

"That's what I'm afraid of. What if you guys get hurt?" I paused. "What if she gets hurt?" I whispered.

"You really care about her, don't you?" Marjorie asked. I looked her in the eye, and I knew she was not judging me. I know she just wants me to feel comfortable talking to her, but I just can't admit that. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Siobhan, it's ok if you do. It's ok if you have feelings for her. It is not a bad thing if you let it. It can be a beautiful thing, but you have to trust it, you have to trust her, and most importantly, you have to trust yourself." Marjorie said as if she could read my thoughts. 

The problem is I don't trust myself. I trust her with my life, but I don't trust me with her. I will be the thing that destroys her. I can't let that happen."I don't have feelings for Vivian. I could never have feelings for her. Don't be ridiculous." And just as I said that I heard from behind us.