Broken but not shattered

Chapter 7

Siobhan's POV

Vivian helps me upstairs and into the guest room. She sits me on the side of the bed before going over to our things that she brought up earlier. Coming back over with a first-aid kit. "Luckily, I always have one in my car". Sitting next to me, she asked, "Do you mind if I look over you? Just make sure there is nothing too serious going on". 

It's one thing to see one or two bruises but to see the extent of the scars from Roger. And the ones I made myself. I don't want her to see me like that. So weak. So helpless. So vulnerable.      "I don't know." so softly that I didn't even think I said anything.

"Siobhan, it's completely up to you, but know I won't judge or think less of you. I just want to make sure you are safe and protected. That is my only concern." I can't explain why I trust her so much. I have only just met her, and I trust her with my life, but there is a part of me that wonders if she sees, will it scare her off? "Ok, but I should warn you it's bad"

And if she could read my mind she says "Siobhan, there is nothing that would make me walk away from you. You can't scare me off. You just tell me if you need me to stop". I gave her a little nod not trusting my voice.

She starts to look over me, starting with my head feeling a bump that is starting to form from my head hitting the ground. Then, going to my neck, "Looks like your throat is a little swollen, but it looks worse than it is. Ok, do you mind taking your shirt off?". I froze. I knew it was coming, but still, there are just so many scars, and what if she asked about the ones that covered my arms? I can't explain those to her.

"Siobhan, if you need to stop, we can. We don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with." It's like she can read me like an open book. I have never felt so seen by anyone in my life. She makes me feel like I can handle anything. Why is that? 

"It's fine," I simply state and lift my shirt. I can see she immediately looks over my body and notices the various bruises in different stages of healing all over my body. The different healed cuts over my abdomen from Roger's ring digging into me when he would hold me down. Then she lifts my arm, running her thumb gently over the scars.

I haven't self-harmed in years. For me, it was a way to feel something when everything felt numb, but with Roger, I didn't need to; he did it for me. We were perfectly matched. At least that was what I thought at the time. 

She had been staring for a few minutes, and I thought she would be disgusted by it. By me. But she did something I never explained. She slowly lifted my arm to her mouth and kissed the scars that riddled my arm. Till this moment, I had been avoiding looking at her. This made me look at her, and she looked up at me, and I figured out why I was so drawn to her. Why I couldn't stop thinking about her. Why I trust her so much even though I barely knew her. 

I have feelings for her. But that can't be. I'm straight. It's wrong, right? But it didn't feel wrong. Being here with her, looking into those eyes, made me feel safe. It felt right. I don't know what is right and wrong anymore. I jumped up and began pacing the room.

"I'm sorry I crossed a line. I shouldn't have done that." Vivian said, looking at the floor. I stopped dead in my tracks. She has always been so confident, but she looks guilty and unsure. My first thought was to comfort her, but I don't trust my instincts anymore. And before I can figure out what to do, my phone rings. It's Roger. I looked at Vivian "Who is it" she asked.

"Roger" It comes out below a whisper.

"Don't answer it, Siobhan. Just hang up." I know she's right I should just ignore it, but I can't.

"Hello." Just as I answer the phone, I hear a car drive out of the driveway

"Where the fuck are you? Did I not make myself clear when I told you not to go anywhere?" he screamed.