If you die, i die with you - Fyolai story

「 XX - the star is fading 」

Fyodor woke up at almost 5 am. The sun wasn't up yet, so why would he be. The eyebags would only be even bigger than ever. His eyes were bloody; that was the first time crying so much. He hurt himself and his love so fuckin' much. How could he be alive like this even longer. Right now he wanted to get a piece of glass and cut his veins out. That would be stupid. Who would take care of his cat? Who will take care of his cat...? He can't just give her away to some unknown people, how would they treat her? That question can't be answered in that situation. First up is trying to talk to his dear person right now. How could he look into his eyes now? He would only hurt both of them more, if it's even possible. How Nikolai must feel. Both of them love each other, but can't be together. Well, they can be together. But when one of them dies, what the other one will do then? Be even more hurt than never starting that painful relationship? None of them would be prepared to this. How could anybody be prepared to their loved ones dying... right after they get together. He was overthinking that matter. But how could he not!? He hurt love of his life so much! It was more than frustrating now.

He had fallen asleep now. But he had a dream...? Weird, he never gets to experience these (btw today had a dream about a huge fucking pencil box or whatever tf do u put ur pens and all in school with Madoka and Mami and told my grandma to 'when i die, bury me in this.'). He was surrounded by red spider lilies. The grass was bloody, same as the sky. It started pouring almost blue rain. He just looked up in the red void of nothingness. He saw two stars. One was glowing so much, but couldn't be considered something like sun. The other one... was so weak, it was barely visible. After a moment, the bright star started to get weaker and weaker, but still glowing more than the second one though. The almost not glowing by now star, started to shine. It started getting so bright now. The star had to destroy itself. Not soon after the sudden light, he got swallowed by the white and yellow mist. He woke up.

These stars represent them. Fyodor was barely glowing, time was running out, didn't it? And the second one, Nikolai, was glowing so much at the start, but then... it got weak. Was he that sad...? Oh, what did he do.

Even if he accepted, said that he would love to be in a relationship with him, kiss him, hug him..., but then, he would die, leaving his love hurt badly. Every option he had was horrible. How can he live now. The flowers, it meant death. His hourglass was running out of sand to pour down. It had few cracks on its smooth glass.

What about living his best life. At least for the time he actually has, which is short. First and the most important matter is getting back his dear Nikolai. Will he forgive him? Probably not, but clearing things up will help both of them, won't be it? He hoped so.

Should he call him? Text him? He wanted... he needed to say it to his face, but what if his sister will be still there? Not only would it be awkward, but also hard to even say it. Well, he had to do it. Glupy put her paw on his knee as he sat up from his messy bed. She knew that her friend needed help, so she tried comforting her. She then... patted her paw? Was she giving him reassuring pats...? Or was she trying to pet him the way he does too. It was weird how smart this cat has gotten, since he adopted her... it was scary. As he stood up, he thought that one day, he'll come back to his apartment and Glupy will welcome him and start talking. It was even more creepy.

He was on his way to Gogol's home. He was fuckin' scared. He? Fyodor Dostoevsky was scared? Weird... ah, what has Nikolai done to him, he changed him. Because of this boy, raven haired one felt more emotions at once than in a while. But it wasn't bad, was it? Feeling more was meaning that he's actually living, not just waking up and going on with his day. But it did hurt. Was it just side effects.

Thinking like that, he was already on his way. He saw that old woman from the park. She was much more happy than he ever saw her. She was hurrying to the near shop. She was out of breath, but still - smile plastered on her face with gentle blush.

"Good morning!" The woman greeted him loudly. She was waving her hand very energetically. From where does she has that much power.

As he was thinking, she ran towards him, grinning.

"How are you doing, young man?" She asked, her smile was contagious, even Fyodor smiled a little.

"I'm doing fine." He said, drifting away from the truth. He was barely alive; not because of his illness, but because of his... lost love. "I see, that you've found your happiness you were lacking?" He said with a smile still lingering around his lips.

"Oh yeah! I would be glad if you were able to meet Aelita!" He was beaming with happiness, only on the thought of her daughter. Her smile only wider. "She would also be so happy to see you! You were the only one trying to understand my situation, back then..." her smile was smaller than before, but it never disappeared.

"People are just ignorant." They started walking in one direction. "They just want a topic for their gossips." He made a movement with his hand, like he was shooed away a fly. "But how's Aelita doing?"

"Oh! She's flying around my apartment every minute of the day! She looked soooo happy to see her old room again! But now most of time, she's looking out of the window." Her smile faded. "I thought that she wants to go again, but when I opened the window, to let her fly, she only walked away from it." Thankfully, her smile was back. Maybe that bird wasn't just some random one, but her daughter, which was hard to believe.

He only nodded in answer, but with a smile. They parted their ways; the woman going back to her house, Dostoevsky to try take his love back.

The two knew each other for long time now. The woman, whenever she made some preserves, she would give few to him. The boy only returning her clean jars. They were like family, both of them had some problems with living. They understood each other and still are. She was like a grandma for him. He couldn't meet his own. Fyodor was really grateful, to have her. The woman was finally happy with her daughter. He was glad for her, but now it was time to try and maybe return his love.

Now, he was standing behind Nikolai's apartment complex. He needed to get in, but not outing himself to the white haired boy. He pressed random apartment number, waiting for someone to o answer.

"Hello?" It was not Gogol's voice. It was older woman.

"Uh... can I- can I leave leaflets here?"(What the actual fuck are leaflets, my translator is fucked up) He said stuttering a little. 

"Sure." She said hesitantly, before pressing the opening button. He thanked her and walked in. The complex was quite old.

He reached his doors. He was hesitant, but still knocked quickly.

~%~

Well here it is :'3

1321 words

I finished writing this part when I was at the lake but now im finally home and will try to finish it already

Btw THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1,2K VIEWS LIKE WHAT HOW?????? I LOVE YALL SO MUCH!!1!1!1!1!!1