If you die, i die with you - Fyolai story

「 XXII - Worthless flesh 」

The sad, yet comforting talk at the park was almost three weeks ago now. the things were great between them. both of them loved the other; they were just happy. but the brain wasn't giving up its fight against their love - his life.

they were going out a little, but still scared that someone might be weirded out at them for some reason. they went to many places together, they were simply happy to be there and next to each other. the warmth of their love wasn't less visible, nor colder. but Fyodor was getting weaker, his health was worsening every day.

his eyesight was getting worse, same as his balance. headaches every morning, it was hard, but having Nikolai by his side almost all the time was making it less painful. Few times they needed to go to the hospital, because of how bad he got, but every time it was just saying how there won't be any need to see these cold walls ever again; that he'll get better. Both of them were scared, scared of what will come. Nobody was being able to tell what's going to happen. The doctors weren't giving him any chances, only remaining was hope. Useless hope that won't change anything in their life, only ease their pain a little. But the pain was enormous. Simple hope couldn't cure it. As much as they wanted it, it wasn't possible.

Time passed even more, but the hospital visits were more often. Fyodor was barely seeing anything now, which really pained his love. 'If i could, then I would've give you my eyes, my ears, my life, only for you to be able to see your future, with me or not.' these words were echoing in dark haired boys head. He would've do this for Nikolai too; he didn't knew how to say this.

"You don't have much time, you know...?" The doctors words were useless, he knew that for too long now.

"I know." He nodded. "And what am i supposed to do with this information, that I've been hearing for months now?"

No more from the doctor. He was right, telling him that he's dying was stupid. He knew. He didn't care for most of the time, but when meeting Nikolai, he started to care. Now he wanted to live longer. The clown became his will to live. His power to open eyes every morning. His fire to sit next to and feel its warmth.

The stars, one was shining, with ups and downs, but the second one... it was barely showing its light. It was dim, like something was covering it. It wanted to shine from behind it, but it just couldn't. before the second star appeared, the first one wasn't even trying to shine. but then, it started to shimmer brighter than ever, nobody thought that it could do it, not even the star itself.

the days were mostly boring. Fyodor was mostly asleep, or just tired. when laying next to each other, Nikolai noticed that his breathing pattern has changed, it was slower, as if he was in his calmest moment. what scared the clown the most, was that his heartbeat was weirdly hard to feel. they both knew what was coming, but only one was really calm about this. he wasn't scared, just sad that he'll leave his beloved one alone. they knew... but nobody will change the stars fate now.

the doctors and Dostoyevsky himself, mostly knew how much time he had, but he couldn't tell his love this. he wanted to see that warming smile as much as he could. he was aware that in some time, he won't be able to see it.

but today something was wrong.

really wrong.

when Nikolai woke up, his partner was still asleep. which was weird. he never was the one to wake up first. again, he noticed the unusual breathing. now it had long pauses in between, which alarmed Gogol a bit. he tried to wake him up gently, but when it failed, he started shaking him.

''w-wake up...!'' panic started to fill his voice and mind.

after some time, he was fully panicking trying to call for some help (damn i dont know whats happening in this type of situation ;-;). as he did, they both rode to the hospital.