After all I still love you

Chapter seven. Buck

I walked into my therapist office and checked in at the front desk.
"Evan Buckley." I tell the woman
"Ok, go have a seat over there, Noel will be with you shortly." The woman said
"Thanks." I took a seat and scrolled through my phone as i waited. I saw a picture that Hen posted. It was her, Chim, Ravi, and Eddie. Eddie looked like he was forcing his smile, my chest started hurting again.
"Evan Buckley?" A voice called out. I raised my hand as I stood up and walked into the office.

"Hello Mr.Buckley I'm Dr. Noel." She stuck out her hand for a handshake
"Please, just call me Buck." I said returning the gesture
"Alrighty let's take a seat and get started." She said.
I told her about me and Tommy and what happened when we broke up and then how i met Eddie. She said I sounded happier in the relationship with Eddie.
"Why did you come to Texas?" She asks
"To start a new life." I say
"Why?" She asks.
"Because me and Eddie broke up." I say, again.
"Was it mutual?" She asks
"Was what 'mutual'?" I ask furrowing my brows together
"The break up with Eddie." She says
"Yeah?" I question. Now that I'm thinking back on it i did just say I was done and walked out. So maybe it wasn't, maybe Eddie didn't want to break up.
"You don't seem so sure about that." She says writing something inn her notebook.

We talked some more about Eddie even though that was the last thing i wanted to do, we were finally done with our session and i could get ready for my shift. I left the office with the stinging in my chest, maybe i should get that looked at.

When i arrived at the station i put a smile on my face pushing the therapy to the back of my head.
"Hey Buckley!" Mateo says passing me a basketball
"Hey Mateo." I throw the ball back.
I go to the locker room and i change into my uniform and put the rest of belongs away.
"Hey Buck." Captain Strand says
"Hey Cap." I say looking at him
"How did your first therapy session go?" He asks
"It went fine i guess." I shrug my shoulders
"Glad to heat it, but i will need some proof that you are going." He says
"So like a paper or something?" I ask
"Yeah, something like that." He says, he pats my shoulder as he walks out.

I laid on my bed as i waited for a call to come through scrolling through old photos of me and Eddie. The therapist got me thinking about if the breakup was mutual but i think i might of just ran away from a conversation i wasn't ready to have and probably ruined the best thing in my life.
"Hey you ok?" Tk asks standing at the end of the bed
"Yeah." I lie. Tk raises his eyebrows at that.
"Ok fine. No, I'm not ok." I say
"Is my dad pushing too hard?" He asks
"No. He's just making me go to therapy." I tell him
"He made Judd go to therapy." He says "my mom made me go to rehab."
"I heard about Judds old crew. That had to of been rough."
"Yeah, but getting help isn't a bad thing." Tk says
"Yeah, i know. I think the first day just made me realize that i probably ruined the best thing i had in life. Again."
"Have you talked to Eddie?" He asks
"No." I say
"Maybe you should-" Tk goes to talk but is interrupted by the bell.

We respond to a distress call, a couple is stuck in a a car barely hanging on to the side of the mountain.
"Please help my boyfriend first." The victim says
"We are going to get you both out."  Captain Strand says
"What's your all names?"
"I'm Noah and that's my boyfriend, Frankie." Noah says frantically. They both scream as the car shifts.
"Okay Buckley and Paul get harnessed up you all are going down. Marjan and Mateo get this car secured to the truck." Captain Strand gives out orders.

Me and Paul get harnessed up and make our way to the car so we can get them out.
"Hey, I'm Buck you must be Frankie." I say at the window, he looks at me with his eyes that are full of fear.
"I know this is scary but we are going to get you out." I tell him. Paul reassures Noah on his side of the car.
"Noah, I'm sorry i yelled at you. I love you." Frankie blurts out
"Don't worry about it Frankie. I love you too. If i don't make it promise me that you will keep Harold." Noah says
"I promise." Frankie says
"Who's Harold?" Paul asks
"My pet snake. Frankie is scared of him." Noah says
"My friend Tk up there loves lizards and reptiles but his husband, Carlos is terrified of them." Paul say. The boys laugh at that.

We get the boys out of the car safely and the medics check them for any injuries. I watch as they hug each other after a terrifying accident. I think about Frankie apologizing about yelling at Noah thinking that they were going to die and that the last things they said to each other were hatful things said in an argument.
My chest starts stinging again and i rub it trying to get it go away.
"You okay Buckley?" Marjan asks
"Yeah." I say closing the door to the truck a little too hard.
"Then why are you rubbing your chest?" She asks
"It just stings a little. It will go away in a minute." I say
"Is it like a heart attack pain?" She asks
"I don't think so. It happens when i think about Eddie." I say honestly
"Sounds like a panic attack." She says
"But wouldn't i fall over? Eddie had/has panic attacks and he falls over." I say
"It's different for everyone. Depends on what you are panicking about." She explains
"Yeah, makes sense." I lean against the truck running my hand through my hair. I don't what got me to talk to Marjan about my chest hurting but it felt good to get it off my chest.
"Hey listen we are hanging out at Tks and Carlos place tonight, its kind of a thing we do we call it the 126 hangout. You should come." Marjan says
"I don't know, maybe." I say
"They are both amazing cooks and always have an amazing spread, also we always play Catan." She adds.
I just smile at her as we get in the trucks and head back to the station.

—-

I'm standing in Tk and Carlos's kitchen staring at the cheese thinking about what I'm really doing in Texas, anytime someone asks i always say I'm starting a new life but am i? Or am i just running away from my old life?
"You okay?" Carlos asks behind me. It made me jump a little.
"Yeah." I say
"Sorry didn't;t mean to startle you." He says "that cheese is pretty good.'
"How did you know Tk was the one?" I ask
"From the first time we hooked up." Carlos says. I give him a small laugh.
"But really, he's easy to talk to. He made me realize that it's okay to be who you are no matter the mistakes you have made in life. He doesn't judge me and he makes me feel loved." Carlos says as he smiles at Tk.
"Was it easy?" I ask
"Hell no. Tk he liked to run in the beginning, but he eventually stayed." Carlos says.
"I think i might be running."
"From Eddie?" He asks
"From myself." I say. "And from Eddie i guess."
"You and Tk are the same person. You going to go back to L.A?" He asks
"I don't know if i can."
"Why not?" He leans on the counter
"They probably all hate me and if I left here now they would hate me too."
"The 126? They couldn't hate you for doing what is best for you." Carlos says "trust me"

I went to therapy one day and it already has been questioning myself.
"I think i need to talk to Captain Strand tomorrow."
"It was nice having you in Texas. You should come back and visit." Carlos says holding his hand out for a handshake
"You should come to L.A" i return his handshake
"I hear it's crazy." He says
"You have no idea."