After all I still love you

Chapter nine. Buck/Eddie

I finally arrive in Los Angeles at ten am. I don't have an actual home to go to so i just go to the station and hope for the best. When I park my jeep I see that the trucks are gone so they must be on a call. I clean myself up in the locker room and waited in the loft in till i hear the trucks back in.

When i hear the trucks back in my heart starts to race i get up and stand on the catwalk over looking the station. Everyone gets out of the truck. When Bobby notices me he gives a small smile.
"Buck?" Chim says squinting his eyes looking up. Then Hen notices me and waves, Ravi waves at me too.
I see Eddie who is looking down at the ground when he finally looks up he doesn't smile or anything. He closes his door and heads to the locker room. Bobby watches him then looks up at me.

"Where have you been?!" Chim asks me giving me a hug
"Texas." I say returning the hug
"What you wanted to ride a horse?" He asks, i give a small laugh as i hug everyone else.
"You coming back?" Hen asks
"If Bobby approves my transfer." I say
"I'll approve it, you just need to go talk to someone." He says, his eyes are looking at Eddie who is sitting on the bench in the locker room with his head down. My chest gets that stinging feeling again, i make my way down the stairs.

"Hey Eddie." I say at the doorway. There was a silence that followed after that and I wasn't sure what to do. I know i hurt him and i don't think there's anything i can do to fix it.
"You come to get your stuff?" He asks, his voice sounding rough as he try's not to cry. "I'm tired of looking at it."
"I'll get my stuff. But i came to stay." I tell him
"Couldn't handle the Texas heat?" He tried to joke
"It was hot." I want to sit next to him a hug him and tell him how sorry i am but i can't. I hurt him really bad and i can't even get myself to apologize.
"Eddie, i.. I'm sorry. And i know sorry doesn't cut it for what i did to you. I hurt you in a way i never wanted to." I say.
"You didn't just hurt me Buck. You broke me." His voice cracked and his tears started falling
"I ran Eddie. I ran from a conversation I wasn't ready to have and I'm still not ready for it. But i hurt you and I'm never going to forgive myself for it." I tell him "i came back because this is my home. Not Texas."
The room was silent the only noise was Eddies sobs as i stand there silently as tears fall down my face. But I shouldn't be the one crying, I'm the one who caused this.

Eddie POV

I looked up at Buck through my teary eyes and he looked small he knew what he did and i hate him right now but i want to hold him at the same time because he's crying.
"Damn it Buck." I mumble. He's always messing with my damn feelings.
"I'll find somewhere to stay, I'll get my stuff by the end of your shift so you wont see me." He tells me
"Forget the stuff Evan." I say
"What do you mean, Eddie?" He asks me.
I stand up, I'm surprised my knees didn't give up on me as i walked over and stood in front of him. I felt his body tense up as i got closer.
"It means Evan." I grab his hands with mine, he's shaking as I tighten my grip on his hands.
"You can stay. Yes you broke me but you were broken too. We just have to push past this." I tell him
"We can go to therapy." He says "Captain Strand made me go to therapy."
"You know how i am about therapy Buck" i remind him
"Yeah, i know." He says.

"Buck!" I yell as he collapses into my arms. His whole body shakes as he sobs.
"It's okay i got you. Let it all out." I tell him rubbing his hair, it got curlier while he was in Texas.
I looked up and saw everyone standing behind him as they look at us with sympathetic eyes.
Should i have forgave Buck that easy for what he did to me? Probably not  but seeing him this hurt after hurting me i don't think he's going to do it again.
"Does this mean i can still live with you?" Buck asks once he calms down.
"Yes Buck." I kiss the top of his head.

Bobby let us go home and told us to take some time to get ourselves settled.