After failing with doing my hair and makeup, I just tidy up to a passable degree, since I can't be bothered to fix it with gel - oh right, I don't have that anymore. I head downstairs without checking my bag and leave the house silently. I don't want to accidentally summon Chad again. I've had enough interaction with him for today.
When I close the door behind me and turn to the street, I'm almost jumpscared by who I see standing on the sidewalk. For a second, I feel like I'm hallucinating.
"Good morning," Megan says.
"H-Hey..." I mumble back, barely loud enough for her to hear probably.
I slowly step towards her.
What do I even say? Will she even believe me if I told her we suddenly swapped back?
"So, excited for chemistry?" she asks as we start walking.
What should I even say? I haven't talked to her in a month.
"Megan, um...", she looks at me, "It's me again...."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not Zach anymore," I tell her. Saying it out loud confirms it for me. I'm not Zachary Marlowe.
"I still don't- Wait, do you mean that..." she asks, purposefully not finishing her sentence.
I nod. I don't want to say it. I don't want to accept it.
"Allison? Is it you again?" she asks, her eyes lighting up.
"Y-Yeah..."
Without warning, she hugs me tightly and I can hear her sobbing a bit. I can't help but hug her back - it's comfortable - and I can't help but tear up as well. It genuinely feels like one half of me, the reason half, is rejoiced and the other half, the desire half, finds it uncomfortable. Which one do I let go? Which one do I want to let go? I can't stop myself from feeling happy and sobbing, but I also can't remove the lingering feeling of envy and coldness.
"It's been so long," Megan sniffs, "W-What happened? How did you two swap back?"
"We don't- I don't know. Everything seemed fine, but then I woke up as a girl again."
"Everything seemed fine? Wouldn't you say everything is fine now? Everything is back to normal!"
Can she read my mind?
"Y-Yeah, I have to deal with Chad again..." I flop out.
Her smile fades into an uneasy awkward silence.
"That's... true... but aren't you glad you're back in your own body?"
"I don't know... I've gotten used to being a boy."
"What about your family? O-Or me, did you not miss me at all?"
"Don't say that! Of course I missed you all, but like..."
I take a deep breath. I need to get this off my chest since reality has finally completely sunken in.
"I was prepared to make that sacrifice if it meant living like Zach... no Chad, no perverted boys to harass me- I even made a new friend, y'know? And I really did miss you and Liam and mom, it's just... I liked Zach's life more..."
Megan looks at me. I can't pinpoint the emotion on her face.
"All of that was on your mind?" she asks, "I would say 'why didn't you tell me?' but y'know, we haven't really seen each other in a month... All I can say is that I'm so glad you're yourself again."
"Am I really myself again though? I don't feel like Allison Par, but I also don't feel like Zachary Marlowe anymore. I don't know who I am. Which one of those two am I?"
"You're Allison Par. You're my best friend."
I'm no longer Zachary Marlowe.
I don't want to accept it though! Why can't I have that better life!? Why am I stuck with this life!? Why dangle his life in front of me and then rip it away just as I get comfortable!?
My mind takes a breath and composes itself.
I need to accept it.
The reality is that I'm Allison Par.
YOU ARE READING
The Swap
Teen Fiction"Where am I? This isn't my room. Wait, this isn't my voice, either! This isn't my body!" Allison Par is a timid girl. She just moved to a new town and her mom started dating a new man. Allison just wants him gone, but she's too terrified to speak up...
