bring him home (vigilante Deku & dadzawa/mic)

8: you're going to make it through this

(TW: self harm, dissociation, hospital stuff, coma, depression, suicide watch).

Izuku had been in the hospital for a couple days, and finally he was being brought back to UA.

He ended up needing a blood transfusion, so he wasn't able to be cared for by Recovery Girl alone, though initially she was able to repair a lot of the damage. Including the cuts and scars on his arms.

The benefit of going to the big hospital, however, was the opportunity to see his mom.

He thought it would help to see her breathing. To hear her heart monitor beating. To see her resting. And in some ways it did... But mostly it made things a hell of a lot worse.

Inko did not look peaceful. She was covered in bandages from head to toe with tubes and wires sticking up from underneath them. Her hair has grown oily from laying and living without any shower for over a week now.

She didn't look peaceful. A tube was down her mouth and throat controlling her breathing and a smaller line went down her nose and into her stomach for nutrition. She had a catheter because she couldn't even be awake to use the bathroom.

And it was all his fault.

It was almost too much to sit there and talk to her and hold her hand because she looked like she was in so much pain. Maybe it was Izuku's overwhelming empathy, but it hurt just as much to see her as it must have hurt to have this happen.

When he left, he was in a significantly worse mental state than even before. He was spiraling in self hatred and blame and pity and anger. He was so upset with himself for letting this happen, for being sick and getting caught. For getting sloppy and causing this all to happen.

If he would have just pulled through, held in his illness a bit longer, run away a little faster, maybe everything could still be normal now.

But it couldn't be.

And as he walked out of the hospital and climbed into the passenger's seat of Aizawa's car, he fell into this state of unresponsiveness. Aizawa would talk to him, and he would hear but he couldn't remember what the question was long enough to answer. He was so distracted. He could not stay present in reality.

He was sliding downhill. Uncontrollably. He couldn't find something to grip on.

This was the worst he had felt in a long time.

He silently buried his head in his hands, absentmindedly massaging his temples. A futile attempt at bringing his mind back in unity with his body. He felt numb all over, unaware of hunger, thirst, discomfort, or contentment. He was stuck behind his eyes, unable to claw past the walls of thought behind his own skull. He wished it would just end already.

"Midoriya." Aizawa called for the 80th time.

"Hm?" He hummed in response, finally latching onto some part of reality. He couldn't hear the car rumbling or the road flying past beneath them.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over, "hm?" He hummed again.

Aizawa glanced away from the road in concern, "I asked if you were okay."

"yeah." Izuku responded, his face going back down as he sank away again.

He didn't feel the car pulling over. He didn't feel Aizawa gently shaking him to get his attention until his own suicidal thoughts brought him to shuddery breaths.

"Izuku!" Aizawa shouted.

Izuku looked over quickly, his eyes relaxed and tired, "what!?" Despite his quick reaction, he didn't appear alert at all.