The Darkest Choice | Omegaverse

14 - Forgiveness & Control

Faye's POV:

Chance hasn't spoken since Savage left the room.

His breathing has been erratic ever since his admission to not being sober anymore.

It's hard because I feel like this isn't my place, I don't know how deep the addiction runs and how much it affects them all.

Instead of words I've decided to try and provide Chance with physical comfort.

My arms are wrapped around his body as I lay on his chest, rising and falling with each deep intake of breath.

"I don't think he is going to forgive me this time."

I startle out of our quiet, comfortable silence when his deep voice rumbles through my chest.

"Why did you do it? I mean.. what made you want to drink again."

If I want to help them... help him, I need to know the whole situation.

"Everything gets too much Faye. I-" He pauses mid sentence, slightly shuffling underneath me like he is trying to rid himself of a memory.

"I- I hear voices in my mind sometimes. I'm not insane it's just.. the pressure it gets too much. I think it was from when my father was alive but I always feel like I'm not enough."

He thinks he is not enough?

This perfect man, this beautiful strong man who protects his Pack and aids the club.. he thinks of himself as not enough.

I think the same.

"I think I understand what you're saying. Of course it's not the same, we grew up with different experiences but I do know how it feels to never feel enough. Never meet expectations."

He moves a hand under himself to raise us both up, scooting till we are both against the headboard.

My head still in his chest, his beating heart erupting under my ear.

I move a hand up to his chest, drawing small circles around his heart and tracing the lighting strikes his tattoos make.

"Is that.. Is that what caused the relapse. The voices or..."

I feel a hand on my head, his strong hand is playing with my hair. The motion soothing and almost timid.

He can't be afraid to touch me, right?

"I was just so frustrated. King had sent me on a job to follow the trail of one of the Poisoned Snake members who we thought was stealing our stock, but it was a dead end. I just kept thinking about bringing that news home to him and then the voices started up and I just wanted them to stop."

"I just wanted a simple failed task to just be that and not the fucking end of the world that my brain makes me think it is."

The hand in my hair has stopped it's moving. Everything has gone silent, I lick my lips before I respond.

"When everything gets too much for me and I hear those voices at the back of my mind that tell me I'm useless and less then just because of my defect - it's always the instructors voices at the Academy or my Fathers. Is that similar for you or is it your own?"

I don't expect him to reply so quickly, the tone in our conversation has been slowly developing over the last couple hours, but his reply comes instantly.

"It's my Father's mainly, sometimes I don't even recognise it.... I don't know."

He sounds so broken - huddled together with me in Savages room. I wish I could get inside his head and help him hear how I see him, how I know his mates see him.