𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 { Closed }

𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰: 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐬...𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬 "𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄" [ 𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 ]

Description Of The Story ~ The description is a little all over the place. I've seen many books that add dialogue into their description, and there's nothing wrong with that at all! When it comes down to describing the main characters is where it's a little tricky.

So, for Jeon the wording could be a little better. You could say, "Jeon Jungkook, a ruthless mafia king whose life is filled with crime. He's cold, rude, and the meaning of "love" has never existed in his life.

For Park Y/N you could say, "Park Y/N was born into a mafia family. She's sweet as sugar, overly talkative, and when things go wrong, she's as dangerous as the devil.

I wasn't sure on what you meant by "when the things turn over" so I didn't add that part.

The last part of the description isn't too bad. Just work on the wording and phrasing.

Plot ~ Plot itself isn't bad. I will say it's a common plotline. One main character is ruthless and doesn't care about anyone else but himself. The other main character falls head over heels for the guy and is part of the mafia. As long as you make it unique, then there's nothing wrong with it.

Grammar ~ In your story, there's missing punctuation and spelling errors. There are also incomplete sentences/ sentences that don't make sense. Again, you need to work on your wording. For example, in the chapter "Her Safety" you wrote, "Everyone fears of me...everyone are fake...they either wants my power or my money."

It should be ~ "Everyone fears me. Everything about them is fake and they either want my money or power."

Grammar and spelling issues are your biggest weaknesses here.

You also tend to repeat yourself. For example, "As a normal girl born into a mafia family, do not expect me to be fragile or weak...I am not weak nor fragile."

You're repeating yourself there. You could keep the first part and that's it or add something unique to it.

Hook ~ Since having a hook to your story usually can consist of one page, one sentence, or a paragraph – I'll use your first chapter. You do have a prologue, but since it really only consists of dialogue from the main characters, I can't really go off on just that.

The start of it was pretty decent. Obviously having someone getting shot in the head at the beginning of a story will always bring in readers and attention!

In this chapter you gave us an idea on just how ruthless and cold Jeon is and we see the situation with Park Y/N. Other than that, FOR ME there wasn't much else that hooked me in completely.

I do like your pictures of the characters in the story. I'm not sure what's the proper name for them, but they are nice!

Descriptive ~ The story isn't super descriptive. It's simple (There's nothing wrong with that.) If you want to make it stand out, fix up your vocabulary. Make it stronger.

Overall, your story isn't bad. Just needs a lot of rewriting.