Plot ~ I think the plot is nice. Obviously, it has something to do with the Harry Potter world. I think it's a neat perspective from a long-lost sister. I personally never watched any of the Harry Potter films, so my knowledge of it is limited.
I do think it feels pretty rushed in the chapters I've read. Work on building up the plot a bit better.
Description ~ Your description isn't bad. Maybe fix up the wording.
For example, you could write, "Eliana thought her life was normal. She attends a regular school and has regular friends. However, one day, she received a letter that proved her life was far from normal...
Add more to that, but you could go with something like that, and work on the punctuation.
Grammar ~ There's a few grammar issues. Mainly with punctuation. I haven't seen any spelling errors.
Hook ~ I used the prologue for the hook. I think it was a decent start up, and quite funny. The part that got me was when you said, "a large man with a bushy beard landed in the house using a flying motorcycle." The image I got in my head was hilarious.
Descriptive ~ Your story isn't overly detailed. I do think with this type of story it's good to be as detailed as possible, because there can be so much happening all at once. It's a magical, wizardry story that's going to be filled with twists and turns, so it's good to be detailed and precise.
However, from what you have written, it's not bad. Especially in chapter two.
Overall, not bad. <3
YOU ARE READING
𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 { Closed }
Short Story{ CLOSED! } This book was written to help undiscovered writers get discovered. It's a safe place to get your book reviewed and, hopefully, get help with whatever problems you're having. I am not the most experienced writer out there, but I don't min...
