Description ~ The description needs a little work. I'm not sure by what you mean when you wrote, "or will she find someone close?"
What you could write is, "Emili has a normal life. She has a loving family, and attends a normal school. However, one day, someone new starts attending her school and flips her whole world upside down. Will Emili discover the truth, and get what is hers? Or will it be too late?"
In the last part of the description, you put something about her regaining the throne. I feel as though that could be a little confusing because the description doesn't mention anything about that. Like if there was something stated about a throne, kingdom etc... It would make a little more sense. It just seems thrown in there.
Plot ~ I think the plot is interesting. I wouldn't say it's fairly different from some of the other works I've read, however, there is an inconsistency in chapter one.
You wrote, "Umm...from high school, I saw her hysterically looking around, literature.... Literaturea high school."
In the next sentence, you write," I can't lie it sounded like he wasn't telling the truth but I continued."
So, you went from SHE to HE. It got me very confused. I believe you did this again within this same chapter, so make sure you work on that.
Descriptive ~ You story isn't crazy descriptive, but it has some good parts. For example, when describing the appearance of a character.
Hook ~ I used your prologue for the hook. I think it was pretty decent. Wasn't long, and ended on a cliff hanger.
Grammar ~ Your book does suffer from grammar errors. For example, when writing your dialogue sometimes you don't put any quotation marks. Sometimes you only put one. There is also missing punctuation like commas and periods.
In chapter one, you wrote, "cryes" instead of "cries." I was not going to mention this mistake because I know some people write things differently in English, but just to be on the safe side I thought I'd let you know.
YOU ARE READING
𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 { Closed }
Short Story{ CLOSED! } This book was written to help undiscovered writers get discovered. It's a safe place to get your book reviewed and, hopefully, get help with whatever problems you're having. I am not the most experienced writer out there, but I don't min...
