𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 { Closed }

𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧

Plot ~ The plot itself is not bad. It's quite unique, but It's only two chapters so I'm sure there will be more developments in the story. So far, you need to break up your paragraphs. They are bunched up, and many readers can be put off from reading your story.

Usually when you're writing dialogue, you want to start a new paragraph after it.

For example, "I want a pie," said Mary

"However, Mary couldn't eat pie because blah blah blah..."

That's what I mean.

Description ~ The description is short. If you wanted to, you could write a few more details that wouldn't spoil the book. Overall, it's not bad. However, you could fix it up a bit.

You could rewrite it as, "To live, love, and die for the W.O.M.B. The tragic tale of what led to that fateful day."

Grammar ~ Right from the start there are some grammar errors. In the first chapter, in the first sentence, there is no comma. So, it would look like this, "Addressing all subjects currently in their living quarters to report immediately to the grand gathering hall Ri,"

Within that same paragraph, you put a comma after "say." There's no need for the comma. In third paragraph, you wrote "The light eyes my eyes saw dimmed."

It should be, "The light my eyes saw, had dimmed."

I notice that you seem to have a habit of writing the same word twice, so make sure you watch out for that.

Descriptive ~ The story is quite descriptive, but maybe improve on your vocabulary.

Hook ~ I used your first chapter for the hook. Personally, I think the plot isn't bad and your writing is decent. So that's what kept me interested. Your story has potential.

Overall, you really need to work on spacing out your paragraphs and dialogue. You do have some unnecessary punctuation here and there too.