Love Procedure: SOOBIN & SOHEE

4: Yeonjun

Of course I never mentioned Yeonjun ever again, not even to myself. He was completely out of sight, out of mind. First loves are someone you hold true and deep to yourself for a while until you find someone better.

But I never found someone, nor was loved by him.

Yeonjun, he was born for business. Yet his personality was so loveable, no flaws but so much personality and that's what I loved about him.

Looking back at it now it reminds me of what I wish of my dad. Yeonjun is just so perfect, out of my league.

We met in Highschool, same grade and classes. We already met during our parent's meetings, we started socializing there.

That's when I realized we had so much in common, from personal interests, music and humour. Moreover, the same life at home.

Yeonjun and I aren't close with our parents. Yet what was so different is he had ambition to live the same life and I didn't.

We knew we could rely on each other, a topic like that made my heart flutter. I never had someone to rely on, never had someone who struggled the same as me.

He's special and I fell in love. Everything I did, was in thought of Yeonjun . He was my motivation and ambition for my creativeness. It was all in acts of Yeonjun, I breathed and lived for him.

All the songs I'd listen to and poems I'd write, I collected. There's nearly piles and he made me crazy each time I wouldn't receive attention from him.

Without him I'd be just a doll. A robot.
I thought I had a saviour, I thought he was my salvation, the reason to live.

Until, Yeojun got a girlfriend.
She's not as pretty as me.

For the longest time, he even told me personally, love is trivial. He focuses on education only? What is this bullshit? Is this my fault for not confessing first?

I've loved him longer than anyone has and I love him more than anyone.

"I may have loved him first and more than anyone but it doesn't matter because I don't have him, I am not the winner."
Thoughts swirled through my head. My writing became more depressing analyzing thoughts.

I watch the love letters and poems burn in the fire place, the songs I listened to are just love songs now.

Every night, I prayed for them to break up. I wished on both of their downfalls. I wished for the worst of both of them, especially Yeonjun.

After he left me in the dirt all alone. In reality I just missed him. I resented him for leaving me.

When you get angry things don't go your way you tend to point fingers at what you think the problem was. I'm just immature and a side character in Yeojun's life. I'm not important.

Yeonjun I swore I'd hate you. But I never did. I secretly loved him despite the distance. I missed him so bad my heart ache.

But he forgot about me, I was like a stranger.

Once we graduated, I swore I'd forget about him. Not bring him up again. Follow my father.

So why is he standing here in front of me? My eyebrows wrinkle.

The atmosphere was awkward. I ached for my father to say a word, but we just stood there in silence, waiting for my father as he flipped documents.

Well, I'm pretty sure you guys have a lot to catch up on.

He doesn't even bat an eye at us?

"You guys are excused, I just brought you guys here to socialize. This company needs a good reputation and you guys are a key."
He points.