Chaos and Discomfort

Chapter Two

I wake up later to a knock on my door.
"Dad wants you to come downstairs." Rafe says
"Okay." I say not looking at him
I get up, walk downstairs, to see my dad, Rafe, and Rose all at the dinner table. This is gonna be fun!
"Hey sweetie! Take a seat we need to have a talk." My dad says
"Okay..." I say and sit across from Rafe
"You are supposed to go back to school tomorrow, now I know , everything with your sister, you've said you don't want to go back, but you need to do this. Sarah is gone, you are the oldest sister now, you have to set a good example. You need to step it up." He says
"You really think Wheezie has ever looked up to me? Dad Wheez could care less if I even live in this house let alone if I go to school. I'm not going back." I say
"She's your sister of course she cares. Listen I'm going on a buisness trip, to the Bahama house. I will be gone for a few weeks, if you make it until then I will buy you the jeep you wanted." He says
"I don't want a jeep I want my sister back. Why can't I go on the buisness trip with you?" I ask
"Because it's boring you won't like it." Rafe says
"How do you know what I like? You don't know shit, and until Sarah died I'm pretty sure you weren't even aloud in this house, so take it down a notch." I snap
"Go make out with your pogue boyfriend." He snarls
"Go make out with that line of coke you left on the bathroom counter."
"ALRIGHT CUT IT OUT!" My dad yells
"I'm going to my room." I say standing up from my seat
"Yeah, run away. Just like Sarah did, better watch out or you'll end up dead too!" Rafe yells from the table
"She was your sister too Rafe! You're disgusting." I say and run back up to my room slamming the door behind me.
I get my phone out and call the only person I know who can get me out.

"Hey, what's up? Are you okay?" Kie answers
"Kie can you please come get me." I whisper
"Yeah bug, I will be right there." She says and hangs up
For the record after the breakup with JJ I cut off all contact with the pogues, I got new friends, and lived a completely different life.

"Izzy you going to Sarah's? party tonight?" Topper asks me
"I don't think so Top, lots of homework, plus I'm not really the partying type. And that's so awkward underclassmen never go to parties." I say
"It's your sisters birthday party it's different."
"Not really." I say taking my books from his hands
"Listen if your worried about seeing Kie there she's not coming." He whispers
"Aren't they supposed to be besties now?" I ask
"Sarah's done with her apparently, Kies not invited." He says
"Doesn't change anything, I'm going to sit in my room, finish my English essay and go to bed at 8 so I don't have to listen to your guy's noise."
"Whatever you say, this is your opportunity to move on from that pogue."
"Maybe I already am over it and you guys constantly bringing it up makes me want to stab my eyeballs with a bunch of micro needles." I say slamming my locker door
"Alright I'm sorry, I just dont understand how you could ever date someone like that."
"I wanted out of the bubble wrap, what can I say?" I say
"We might need to get you an extra layer of that bubble wrap." He jokes

My phone rings snapping me out of my memory, Kie is calling me.

"Hey we're here." She says
"We're?" I ask
"Yeah, the boys are here too."
"Great, i will be right out." I say and hang up the phone
I lock my bedroom door, grab my uniform shirt and skirt, and shut the lights off in case someone tries to come in and open my window. I shimmy down the roof to the ladder Sarah put when should would sneak John b in, of course it was in my room, and run to the car.
"Go, go, go,go!" I say jumping into the back
"Okay! Okay!" Kie yells
"What the hell is going on?" Pope asks
"I have news that you all might find interesting. My dad is going to the Bahama house." I say
"Okay so you made us come get you just so you could say your going on vacation? Great." Pope says
"No pope. Didn't you say something about the gold being in the Bahamas?" I ask
"Holy shit." Is all he gets out of
"Yeah so stop with the tude." I laugh
Kie pulls into the driveway and we all head inside to talk about a plan.
"Okay so when are they leaving exactly?" Pope asks me
"I don't know."
"Okay, so here's what were gonna do. You're gonna go with him, we're gonna take a boat down to Nassau, we go in steal the gold and send it down the water." JJ says finally speaking up
"Yeah that's not happening." I say
"We're supposed to be laying low. Listen the gold will always be there, but right now I think we should forget about it. How many more people need to die before we give up, because I'm not dying for a treasure hunt" Kie says
"John b and Sarah didn't die for a treasure hunt they died because Ward fucking Cameron is a lying sack of shit!" JJ yells throwing his beer can at the wall
"Would you chill out for like 5 minutes?!" I yell to him
"No! Because you know it's true! You let John B take the fall knowing it was Rafe! You knew he wasn't home and you still let John B take the fall!" He yells
"Do you really think I had a choice in what Ward wrote down for my statement. He forged my signature, he told shoupe I was too traumatized by what I saw. I didn't have a say so you can take that blaming bull shit and shove it up your ass, because you know it's not my fault." I say
"Guys could you stop fighting for one minute." Kie rolls her eyes
"John b and Sarah are gone, we have to stick together. We know the truth, that's all that matters." she says
"Can we go to bed? We have school tomorrow." Pope asks
"Yup. Izzy you can sleep on the pull out with me if you want." Kie says
"Yeah, okay." I agree
"Alright goodnight folks, don't let the mites bite." JJ says
"It's don't let the bed bugs bite..." I say
"Whatever." He yawns and flops onto the couch
Kie goes to sit on the bed and I go to the bathroom, for a little meditation. I never imagined what life would be like without my sister, nothing prepares you for the loss of someone who has such a big impact on your life. Me and Sarah were like built in best friends, until we weren't. Kie and I have been friends since we were little, Sarah never fit into our little clique she had her own friends. Kie and I met John b and JJ down at the beach, they were surfing and came up to us. We were friends ever since, they then introduced us to pope who as you can imagine was just as awkward. Sarah and I drifted once my friendship began with the pogues. Then the fight with JJ happened, I cut contact, fell back into my old crowd with the kooks. Sarah and Kie magically became friends, and then Sarah's birthday came around, Kie wasn't invited. That was the end of that friendship. And somewhere between then and now Sarah met John b. Well not met, he worked for us until he stole our scuba and Wheezie snitched to Topper, of course Sarah blamed me and we fought about it for days. Now these are all just memories, I will never get to fight with my sister again, I will never hug her, sneak into her room at night for a sleepover. She won't be at my graduation, she won't be at my wedding, and my future kids will ask me who is in the pictures we have on the wall. I hope she's happy up there, because it's hell down here. I look into the mirror to see my reflection, people always used to ask if Sarah and I were twins. Until now I couldn't see it, but it's like she lives through me now. I hear a knock on the door and I wipe away the tears from my eyes.
"Come on Pope, I have to piss." I hear JJs drunken voice yell from out the door. I open it and it startles him once he realizes it's not Pope.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry." He says
"No, no it's okay." I say wiping the rest of my wet face off
"Are you okay?" He asks
"Yeah, I'm good." I say giving him a small smile
"You're a liar." He smiles
"Well, my sister did just die so you know..."
"Right, yeah I know."
"You were right, I could have told Shoupe my dad forged my signature before John b had left. It is partly my fault."
"It's not, I was drunk. I didn't mean anything by it, I shouldn't have blamed you." He smiles
That smile that used to make me smile. That smile that would light a whole room up if it could. A smile so sweet and genuine it's contagious.
"You just dont understand how hard it is to say no to him. And scary, like I think I'm old enough and have the courage to stand up for myself and them he pulls something like that and Rafe gets mad and I just can't say no. So even when it means doing the wrong thing I still can't say no to him." I say my voice cracking
"It's okay Iz, it's not your fault." He said leaning in for a small hug. I hesitate at first not knowing whether I'm ready to take the next step in letting him back into my life or not, but I am. I wrap my arms around his neck and return the hug, he slightly rubs my back like he always used to do and it brings me back that same comfort it did then.
"I still love you." He blurts out making it obvious the large amount alcohol he's consumed in the past day is still present
"JJ-"
"No, no I'm sorry. Go to bed, you have school in the morning." He says
"I still love you too." I say calmly
"Well, that's good!" He smiles laughing at his own joke
"Go pee and go to bed. Don't want you to miss school!" I smile and walk back to the pull out
"Hey Bug?" Kie say's sleepily
"Hey Kie." I reply
"Thank you for letting us back in."
"Thank you for taking me back in."
"Anytime." She giggles at herself
"I'm sorry for shutting you out, I know it wasn't your fault. I was just so angry, all the time I thought about it more and I was so mad at you guys, at JJ, I was mad at Sarah, at my dad, at the world. Just all that anger- I know it's not your fault but I had to blame somebody else before I could blame myself."
"It's okay, I know." She says sleepily
"Goodnight Kie." I smile and roll opposite of her
"Night iggybug." She laughs
"Shut up."
"Goodnight." She says