in my 18yr old mind

12. you changed me

When i was with you, i was the best version of myself. It unlocked some closed doors in me, it is hard to explain, but i am trying to describe it as honestly as i can.
So, it was never complicated with you. It had nothing to do in this place, complicated things.
Maybe your grew up like that. Maybe it is just the way you were raised, the way people around you acted, maybe you built it up yourself. Whatever caused it, I believe your behavior, your calmness and zen could-we-say, and so on in every situation and aspect of life, is truly something remarkable. How come there is no trouble in those black eyes ? There is an ocean behind me, and i am trying to distract myself and maybe you too, but you're still looking at me. What do you think about in this moment? How wise are you?
I started to think about all of this, on my own, in my mind, in my bed, in the pool, on the beach, on a horse or on a plane. Wait I need to clarify ; I mean that i started thinking about all sorts of things, about life and all that shit, started to write that shit down in my phone, oops my finger slipped on the wattpad app and then here i am. Weird isn't it? How come that didn't happen before ? Was I not thinking about stuff ? Sure i was, but not in this way. Not in this adult, real life way. You didn't see me as a kid. To you, i was just another young adult, your equal. How precious is that. And even when we talked about serious stuff like my anxiety or my college project, you weren't all over the place like me. You knew i would be well. Better than myself, you knew i'm strong, you saw me paddle in the rough ocean and giggle about it. You saw how i acted around my parents, you deducted a bunch of stuff. I really admire you, you know. I look up to you in the way I looked up to my older brother (actually, even stronger than that, so much more). And I dont know, i guess i always thought people like this are not for me, they're too great for me, they should go and enjoy life without even noticing me, and that would've been fine. But you held on to me, you kept me close, you told me those kind things. That's why i often talk about gratitude. I am so lucky to live this life ? wtf???