Casually Compromised - Book 1

Don't Hate Me

Last night I relapsed.

I feel pretty shitty about it too really.

I had worked up a decent threshold of "ok" only to break it via the 3 am call after effect received from Vera the night before.

"She's reaching in and letting you know her priority." Dixie, one of the other girls at the club once told me.

"How's that manipulation treatin ya there eh Parker?" Dixie expressed, lighting up a cigarette and offering me one on the enclosed patio that I would never normally be on.

I didn't smoke. But my mind remembered and forever archived that feeling of a cigarette when buzzed on alcohol. That crazy numbing feeling. Was that the notion of "high"?

Dixie happily accepted the challenge of me. Dixie liked me, or so I was told, but I also knew it. She was one of the more mature in her thirties ladies of the club. She was like a working professional stripper not that they weren't all working but she was like a career stripper. She had a good personality, sexy in a typical southwest texas kinda way. She was funny, I told her once she should do stand up.

"Stand up stripper comic eh Parker?" she said, exposing her legs promptly on my lap.

I was seated in the front of the club, the supposed lobby of the place. I sat in one of the large red sofa chairs with big arms. She sat perched up on one arm draping her legs into my lap. She enjoyed noting her sexual obviousness to me, and perhaps enjoyed my reactions.

"Yeah why not, you're funny and you have no filter. You're good comic material." I replied noting her beauty as she'd shake her tits and wink at me. I could tell she was strong willed, unfazed like she had been there done that and more.

I knew it but I guess I didn't recognize it. She was into me, she had this lure to me, a connection to me, I felt it, she felt it. Like chemistry in the making but no spark yet, no reaction started yet.

Another moment pulled from my memories at the club.

"Dixie, she's into you ya know.." Joe said watching her walk away from us as we starting talking about the business.

I sat again in the red sofa chair, brushing off the conversation.

"They're all here for my cash.." I replied to Joe, nodding.

"The club wants the cash Parker, but Dixie is into you..." Joe said sitting down. I awarded him a kingpin like aura, a godfather for nightclubs, he was a friend, but he was a kingpin, he'd seen it all. When Joe took the time out to note something I noticed.

Over time Dixie and I became like sparing star crossed lovers that never got the part. Never truly connecting yet always wondering. She'd fill in the moments noting no Vera present. She'd ramble with me, and council me, like that night on the patio.

"Its easy to think with your dick Parker, its dangerous when you don't think with your head." She smiled, ash'd her cig on the concrete floor. "Girls gotta earn." she said leaving.

Back to my life in the relapse.

I honestly felt like I was leveling off, I was getting tired of the club both financially and mentally. I felt like I had endured the rollercoaster and now I was done, complete. I only believed so much when it came to notions of manipulation. I mean I didn't want to see Vera in that light. I expected manipulation at the club, from these women, but I didn't want it to be real.

Why did I go back? She called and there I was.

Ally and I were closer than ever. I had worked hard to repair what wasn't working and we were just talking more, openly, honestly. We talked about the club, though she didn't know the fullest extent of my transgression but she was curiously aware of my need to see and experience the young lust. She also knew of the job we had at the club and then she knew that I had a good close friendship with the owner.