Casually Compromised - Book 1

The Privilege of You

Sometimes I forget the basic rules of living, its never been about me, or you, or us.

Life just keeps on keepin on.

Morning, doing my work thing, multiple fires to put out. I miss being a check out clerk at at grocery store.

Ally emerged from the bedroom.

"I'm mad at you." she says.

"Ahhh ok, morning... " I say at my desk, amongst the drawings and diagrams, coffee making a nice ring on that one report i'll to print out again. "Ummm why?"

"I had a dream you got a lap dance.. and then slept with some woman." she said sitting down, not really angry but irked.

She was a constant dreamer, always having crazy dreams. Course that one wasn't so crazy. Lap dances, check! Slept with another woman, nope, not checked. She was a good dreamer, all the time. I could only dream if I didn't have dinner at night, forcing my stomach to turn on itself.

"Hmmmm sounds sexy..." I reply attempting to break the true reality she is getting in on.

"Yeah I was really pissed, and hurt, and then I was stuck doing some recycling..." she laughs.

Ally always has dreams of me cheating. Ever since we hooked up, she has had countless dreams of me cheating on her. Was her subconscious working on her as well? Sure her intuition was damn near spot on, but then the ole twist of life, recycling?? Perhaps she was gonna recycle me as well.

She knows I get dances, we've benefited from that fact several times early on. I'd get a few dances go home and I wouldn't be as ravenous as I was before, our subtle intimacy enough, lacking, but enough. But lately, with ole aunt libido missing its notable quieter upon late night arrival.

"Recycling eh? .. awesome dream..." I say getting another cup of coffee. "The club only sells fantasy ya know." defensive.

Fucking with a woman's intuition is dangerous.

She senses the disconnect. Its the validation that she had hoped would never occur but did. She's worked hard to keep my sexual advances at bay for years. I figure some women like to throttle their men.

Not quiet yet darling.

In the past i've been happy and content, I dunno, I had other todos or addictions, i've been a good little kitty.

But ever since I thrusted myself out on the stage of building a business, taking on grief of events I could never control, i've been a slightly different Parker. I need something, a secret, a guilt, my own for cutting myself. But honoring the line was key.

I'm not looking to cheat.

I want what I can't get from Ally at times. That intimate sensual romance. I want to be touched. I want to be driven. I want a hot as fuck woman to tease me and remind me I'll never have them, but perhaps I could buy them. This is the self loathing I have to think I'm not worthy.

I am worthy. More than I'll ever know.

I never went to the club with this notion of cheating. I was there because of the frickin product, and well fuck me darlin, these gals kinda let me in. Sure sure its the arcade, I know that but yeah I'm an idiot. I want the fantasy.

I compliment her instincts. I want her jealous. Thats good. Go be jealous. Cause i'm a fuckin catch.

I can feel myself getting angry.

I feel all the pressures weighing me down, responsible for people's lives, salaries, homes, health care, and my own. I can't see past December ya know that? Like my world ends at this rate if I don't work on the biz, like the calendar ends in December. You know how shitty that feels?