Casually Compromised - Book 1

The Purge

I've gone full circle, I thought to myself wandering into the club, another night of wonders to behold.

I was back to the observer, weary of entanglements, I wasn't even going drink tonight. A bender the other night nearly wiped me out.

"Well looks like i'm not gonna see you for awhile.." the manger said walking up to me.

I smiled and said I'd still be around, maybe, but maybe not. Vera was leaving town for a month, part of me was relieved. The banker, the saver, the one that guarded all the cash in my life. The banker was overjoyed with Vera's departure. Mentally I as exhausted as well. I had to admit it, I had an addictive personality, and I was addicted to the club for all right wrong reasons I guess.

I recall the turn, hitting apex, the purge was now here, maybe I could fix myself.

I was a bit fearful of what I would I replace Vera with. I really wanted to fix myself. I wanted to fix Ally, I wanted to work on us. Summer time was nearly here, and I thought of the pool we'd go to, the friends we had there, the time we'd lose there under the water. I could get clear.

In all honestly, everything had gone too far. But I enjoyed one helluva ride.

Beverly was in the club. The manager the other day pointed her out to me, she came over, shook my had, professional, she as beautiful. I could tell her and the manager knew each other well, on some level more than a stripper would.

When she walked away, the manager expressed her beauty.

"Porn star Parker, yep.." manager said smiling at me.

A porn star? Wait what my mind raced? Porn stars were pure fantasy, they all lived in California I figured. How did this girl get here? My mind raced with insanity thinking about this gal, I searched for her on my phone, sure enough there she was. Another bucket list item checked off in my mind- "meet a porn star".

Over time I'd meet her again, always near by the manager. She knew me as someone at the club, working there or something. We kind of had a friendly banter going.

Now in the bar, I was chilling. Tired, not sure why I was there, though I was there to see Vera one last time.

"Hi.. " Beverly said walking up to me, like a goddess, I couldn't easily replace the notion she was a star, she was a star, and I was talking to her. She looked a bit bored, the action tonight likely not as good as she hoped.

"I pity them.." I said smiling.

"To think they don't know they're in the presence of Beverly Brook, a star amongst stars." I said.

She smiled and came closer. Her beauty and realness shined through. She too was confident, you had to be if you were a porn star I figured. Her eyes deep, her mind smart I figured, her gravitational pull sucking me in. I wanted a dance, a room with her. A wonder to explore. Yet her professional persona was alert and present.

"I'm a civilian tonight.." she said with a salute.

"Behind enemy lines..." I said, watching her break a smile, a curious nod to our collective banter and she vanished in the main area.

I decided to peer into the main area, how was the action tonight. I felt drained. I took a seat with my water, again the manger appeared busting my balls.

"Wait are you drinking water?" the manager said laughing at me.

We joked a bit and exchanged the reality that yes I had over done it a few times that week. It was all catching up to me.

The shot warden swung by grabbing a seat, staring at me. She was concerned.

"How you doing?" she said.

"The usual." I replied sipping my water.

We enjoyed a moment of silence, the shot warden staring at me, I looking at her and the glaze in between.

"Do you have sex all the time?" she said, like in the purest of inquisitive nature, catching me off guard, ok thats a question I thought to myself.

"No" I said.

Her question made me think of the direct questions I'd often ask Vera, early on, as if I was testing to see how far she'd go in a conversation. She never disappointed me, and would tell anything it seemed.

I was here to buy moments of time. What would start out as a way to relieve stress and feel again would later turn into a moment by moment quest to share a bit of time with girl I really liked, but realized as pure fantasy, and forbidden aspect of a life I could never attain. What I really wanted at this point was a connection with a soul, a friendship, but I had likely destroyed those chances starting the way it begun. Now I was tied to the exchange.

The purge was here though. Vera was leaving town for a long while, enough for me to detox, get clean. I wondered what I would replace her with. Could I get clean, or was I addicted?

The business needed more of my attention now that ever and I could feel that pool calling me.

One last room before the end. Vera appeared.

"I didn't think I'd see you tonight.." she said, standing before me, simple yet confident as always.

"I figured a room for the road." I said. She smiled back at me.

My imagination of her with me in that room was set on high. We got comfy, she began her routine and I opened the last wall in my mind allowing me to imagine the forbidden, did it give me what I wanted? What would it be like? I could feel my passion exploring her in the moment as she grinded on me her rhythm matching my own. The self loathing in me wanted to be disgraced and punished but the honesty in me wanted to be pure and simple, I was a sexual being, wanting wasn't bad. It was ok to want, to lust. Would holding that over my head really change anything, could I admit my humanity?

"I'm gonna miss you.. " she said, her eyes intensely blue staring at me. She was enjoying me, her heat building.

"I wonder..." I retorted attempting to look lifeless. Now wasn't the time to be an asshole but I wanted the real.

She stopped her dance and got a bit more serious with me resting her elbows on my chest challenging my lifelessness.

"You don't think I'll miss you?" she said staring me down.

Don't let the patient lose confidence.. rattled through my mind. The simulation exposed, matrix like green code appearing in my mind.

"I don't know honestly." I said back, straightening up, the clock running, the room would be over soon. I lied. Part of me felt she would miss me and more so my cash. That was the struggle, did she see me beyond the dollar or was I simply naive to think she could in this environment.

"Don't expect me, but want me...remember?" I said bringing back a saying she once told me.

She once paired that phrase up with saying she didn't realize how much she missed me unless she was with me. This was the catch 22, she remembered and enjoyed me the most only in the simulation, the club. Was this the truth that had faced me this whole time and refused to see it?

She smiled, leaned in and kissed. We enjoyed a moment. Be it an aggressive assurance that what we had shared was something unique, real yet not.

"In my thousands of men.. I've never met a Parker like you." she said taking a shot.

"And i've never met a Vera" I replied.

I supposed we'll be tested I thought to myself. Will she return to me for the cash or for the Parker or both? And in turn will I return for forbidden in Vera or the girl that was really her, as the friend or would I be consumed for both of them or would I return at all, hungry for real I had.

As the room came to a close a recall the shot warden making the case to me that this place wasn't the arcade, the simulation I thought it was. It wasn't a lie she tried to press upon me.

"It's not all fake Parker.." the shot warden would say attempting to shake the instilled beliefs I had manifested in the club.

Merely moments in time.

My time was ending. The purge had begun.