Forgotten

Confusing Conversations Karl POV

Hey, guys! Guess who's back from an emotionally exhausting week at Summer In The Son! (For those who don't know, it was the church camp I went to. It's for 7th and 8th graders. Great place, you should  check it out!) Sorry it's taken me so long to update. 😔 I've been soooo busy ever since I got back from camp, and I was surprised with a week long visit from some old friends of mine, not to mention my softball tournaments. Again, sorry guys, I'll try to make this the best chapter yet for you guys.

It is 5:56 in the morning and I haven't slept one bit. I went to bed at a decent hour, didn't have caffeine or sugar before, or even gotten on an electronic before. I was lying awake, thinking of her. The love of my life. My girlfriend. My neighbor. My Grahm Cracker Stealer. My Avery. I could go on and on with everything I called, or could call my ex-girlfriend. In fact that's what has been occupying my time for the past half hour. Her.

I was getting depressed. Very depressed. I have basically lost my will to live. The only thing stopping me from ending it was hope. A stupid idea that she would remember me. It was pointless. She was never going to remember. 

Stan has been trying to get me to cheer up lately. Visiting my home whenever he can get out of his own house. I appreciate the gesture, but my Grahm Cracker Staeler needs it more than me. Sure, she's been back for a few months now, but she still needs comfort. Although i will admit that it's a nice change to be cared about for once in my life. Mom never cared, she was always out in one of the competitions she's always competing in. Dad was still in orbit. Avery couldn't remember me. So much was the same, but so much is different.

The stress has been getting to me and the only thing tying me to this place has been friends. I could've left a long time ago and no one would have missed me. My only friends are through Avery. 

Finally, at 6:00  in the morning, I decide to pay a short visit to my BDF's (best dog friend) house.

When I was dating Avery, she told me where her family keeps the spare key to the back door. The third brick on the left is loose, and when you pick it up, inside a small slit is the key. I use it to open the door, and hurry over to shut off the alarm. Stan came into the kitchen as soon as he heard the alarm beep for 10 seconds, and jumped up on me.

I fell on the floor, landing next to a bowl, which promptly fell to the floor, causing a loud crash to echo through the house. I flinched as the loud noise hurt my ears. 

"Shhhh!" I hissed at the overly excited dog.

"Sorry, I just haven't seen you in forever!" Stan whisper-yelled.

"Stan. It's been a day. That isn't forever.....not seeing her for over a month now is forever." I was trying not to fall apart at the seams as I mumbled the words. Still with me sitting on the ground, Stan slowly walked over to me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I know. It's not the same. She acts differently, talks differently, even smells differently! It's beginning to worry me." Stan turned his head, and hurried his face in my neck. I sniffed once, holding back tears.

"Me too. What if she never remembers? I don't think I could live with that guilt." My throat was tightening with the threat of tears, now.

"What do you mean?" Stan questioned me. 

I sighed and let out what had been worrying me forever now.

"If I hadn't suggested that we go out then we wouldn't have gotten in that accident, she wouldn't have been in a coma, or gotten amnesia. She would still remember everything. She would remember me." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and burried my face into the fur of his shoulders. It was a normal occurrence for me, ever since Stan began sneaking around to see me.

"It wasn't your fault. You just wanted to do something nice for her. No one blames you. She'll remember eventually." Stan was trying to comfort me, though I could tell that he didn't know how.

"But what if she doesn't? What if she never remembers? I couldn't live with myself then. I can't see her anymore. She wouldn't even see me now. Not that I blame her. I was awful to her back then." I continued to cry.

"Don't say that! Of course she'll remember. She has already begun to regain a few of her memories. You were there. You know she's remembering." 

"She might not remember everything. She doesn't even remember who I am. She just thinks it's a nice guy. Not the guy she remembers that I am." 

"She'll remember. She's even been wearing the necklace you gave her. Heck, she painted a scene on her art wall of when you gave it to her. She even remembers the scar on your hand. Trust me. She'll remember." Stan was sounding more like Ellen than I wanted for him to. I decided this had gone too far now. I didn't need an extra Ellen trying to help me.

 "See you later, Stan." I stood up, and walked over to the back door, opening it and letting the cool morning breeze blow across my cheeks.

 "I'll try and stop by later, I promise." Stan called as I let the door slam behind me.

I ran across her yard, opened and closed my gate, and ran to my shed's door. I paused before I opened it. I thought I heard another door slam. I sighed and began to turn the knob.

"Karl!" I heard someone call out my name.

I turned. standing in the glow of her porch light, stood Avery.

 "What?" I called, hoping my hoarse voice wouldn't cause suspicion.

"Did you see anyone else run around out here?"

"Nope. Just me." I answered.

she let out a loud sigh, allowing her head to fall back in frustration."Thanks a lot!" the sarcasm was plain on her voice as she turned and stalked back to her house. Her words had cut me like a knife. 

(🏁warning, this next bit  is for more mature readers.)

I held back a fresh wave of tears as I walked into my shed. I turned in the light, illuminating my work table, where there lay a small knife, covered in blood.

My blood.

I rolled up the sleeves of my jacket, revealing several small cuts covering my forearms. 

I picked up the knife. I held it against my skin, my hands shaking. I exhaled, and slid the knife down, creating a fresh wound. I didn't even wince. The familiar pull and drag of the sharp blade soothed me.