Parallels

casual

Casual by Chappell Roan

--

There was silence between Alyssa and Dennise. If they could just hold this moment forever, away from the harsh reality, they would. But no matter how hard they try to run away with it, they could never hide from it.

"It's just between the two, Ly," Dennise says, breaking the silence, not looking at Alyssa but to the façade of BEG in front of them. Both are inside Alyssa's car.

Alyssa didn't answer and just waited for what Dennise is going to say next.

"You take this risk with me, or I'm gonna get out of this car and whatever this is, it's over," Dennise bravely said. She's surprised she managed to say it without shedding a single tear.

"Den..." Alyssa called her, as if pleading.

"Ano?" Dennise looks at Alyssa, mustering up the courage to not give in on how Alyssa looks so vulnerable right now.

"Konti pa?" Alyssa asks, "I know it's so selfish of me to ask for more time—"

"It's been 2 years, Alyssa."

"I know, but, I... please, konti pa?"

Dennise sighs, closing her eyes, "hanggang kailan?" Dennise asks, "until when 'til you finally face your feelings? Until when 'til you finally admit that we're not really casual?"

"You know what I feel for you..."

Dennise couldn't help but release a sarcastic laugh, "na ano? Na you love being around me? Na I make you feel safe, calm? Tangina, Alyssa. D'yan mo ako nakuha e. Pero anong gagawin ko dyan if I spend nights thinking, is that all I ever be to you? Someone who can make you feel good about yourself? Someone you can call when you're alone? Someone to make your nights warm? I want more, Alyssa."

Alyssa couldn't utter a single thing. She just stared at the steering wheel, absorbing every word Dennise said.

"I think 2 years is already enough time, Ly. I've given you enough time, I've given you enough of me. Masama bang ako naman ang humingi ng ikaw?" Dennise asked and gulps as tears are threatening to flow from her eyes, "masama bang ako naman ang humingi ng kasiguraduhan? Na sa pag-gising ko sa umaga, ako lang?"

"Ikaw lang... there is no other person, alam mo 'yan," Alyssa answered.

"Then, what the hell is this, Ly? What the hell are we?" Dennise asked.

Maybe it was Dennise's fault when she let this drag for so long, waiting for Alyssa to come around and figure out her feelings, of what she really wants.

And maybe it's also Alyssa's fault, for taking Dennise for granted, of what she could offer, not thinking that one day, they will both come to this point.

"Mahal kita," Alyssa says.

"Pero?" Dennise asks.

Alyssa shakes her head, "I can't..."

Dennise scoffs, Alyssa finally dropped the bomb. She nods.

"Okay," Dennise says.

"Dennise..."

Anger is starting to build up inside Dennise, "tama na, Alyssa."

"I love you," Alyssa says once again.

"Stop saying it kung hindi mo rin naman kayang panindigan. Mahal kita, pero ayoko nang magpaka-tanga," Dennise says and unlocks the door beside her.

"Dennise, please," Alyssa holds her arm.

Dennise shakes her head, "I waited for you kasi sabi mo, hindi mo pa kaya, na you don't do relationships. I waited for you thinking that maybe eventually, you'll see that I'm worth the risk. I waited for you kasi mahal kita. For once, sana Alyssa nakita mo 'yun, of how considerate I am with your feelings. For once, sana naisip mo rin to consider mine."

Alyssa lets go of Dennise.

"Kaya sana, kahit sa huling pagkakataon, hayaan mo naman akong piliin ang sarili ko, Ly," Dennise says, she heavily exhales and wipes her tears, then opens the door of the passenger's seat. She looks at Alyssa one more time, fighting the urge to hug Alyssa, who has been crying. She nods at Alyssa one last time, then goes out of Alyssa's car and walks away.

Alyssa watches Dennise walk away from her. Her grip tightens on the car door handle. Hesitating if she would run to catch Dennise and plead her to stay.

But Alyssa didn't.

She couldn't.

Not when even if she has lost Dennise, she still couldn't figure out if she can take the risk.