wooing Meera Rai

XV | almost

t/w this chapter contains scenes of non-consensual sex. 

XV | almost

Two Minutes.

120 seconds.

They say a second is enough to destroy your life - uproot it completely and shake it till the shambles remain. A second can change the tides and the wind, crumble the earth in pieces and absolutely ruin everything dear to you.

Meera had 120 of those horribly long seconds when she sat on the seat of the commode and held the kit in her hand. She didn't know her heart was beating furiously, against her rib-cage like it would rip out of her chest and burst from the anxiety. Yet, as she sat in the lit bathroom of Inayat's house, she couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach.

The nightmares were back.

The nightmares which took her tons of therapies and medication to get rid off. The nightmares which ruined her appetite and made her sick. The nightmares were he would clasp her neck and bury her with his choking scent of alcohol and cigarettes. 

Meera shuddered at the memory. 

She had come a long way since those nights. She did everything to put it all past her and she succeeded in living her life in the most mundane way possible. She loved the boring aspects of her life - because they were all a dream to her once.

Breathing without being anxious was a dream. Living without wanting to die was a dream. A dream that Vihaan Singh Chauhan strangled with his two hands and gutted all of the liveliness out of her. 

He didn't love her. 

It was all a lie.

Meera gulped when she shut her eyes, afraid to look at the kit. 

She didn't want a baby with the man who played pretend and nice only to fuck her. She didn't want a baby with a man who firmly believe that women are never going to at par with men. She didn't want a baby with a man who never loved her.

Meera decided that if she was in fact pregnant, she was going to kill herself. Not the baby, she knew she way too weak to live after killing her baby, so she'd die with it.

That's the only rational thing to do.

She had nothing to live for anyway. 

Inayat didn't need this additional burden in her already hectic life. She'd be better off without her.

Her parents would rather have her dead, than divorced. They had told her to never come back without her husband when she got married. 

Vihaan would be relieved that he got rid of her without having to ruin his image or waste his time with the divorce proceedings.

What was wrong with her? Why was she wanting to die? 

Meera cried. 

She was sick, she was up since the past three weeks with little to no sleep and she was tired of living like a worm - dragging herself around. She didn't attend her classes since a week and couldn't digest anything. Her lunches and dinner were a plain glass of water and glucose biscuits which she was tired of eating.

What kind of a life was this?

The 120 seconds were up. Meera opened her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew that Inayat was right outside the bathroom door, waiting patiently for her and she knew that she'd have to face the consequences of her actions.

She looked at the kit and her heart felt heavier than usual.

A single line.

A single line that represented the heartbeats of a dead person reminded Meera that she was in fact dead. She felt alone, pathetic and scared. Sure, she wasn't a mother yet but she still mourned for something that was never hers.