wooing Meera Rai

XIX | clowns and clownery

XIX | clowns and clownery

Meera Rai Singh Chauhan.

That was her identity after her second marriage. That was the identity she chose, willingly. The identity she was so proud of. She had tons of things to be proud of. Her excellency in literature, being an absolutely amazing teacher, even her kindness that radiated from her broken soul. But she wasn't as proud of them as she was when she got married to Vihaan.

Some might call it traditional, some might call it backward. But to Meera, this was her second chance to finally change her life. She could love again. She could be loved again. No chains, no hurdles, nothing that would haunt her.

Plain, simple love.

The divorce papers were drawing her attention. She couldn't think of anything else when Vihaan's signature lay so perfectly imprinted on them. She had read the papers in and out, five times already.

There was no loophole. It was a well-crafted divorce agreement with precise terms and clear words. A mutual divorce agreement with no restraints and no paybacks.

A plain and simple divorce.

Meera couldn't believe that she was going to sign these papers for the second time in the same life. The last one was a bit blurry, given it was a very traumatic incident and she had pushed all of it away to the point she didn't want to remember anything about it. Yet, when she read the first line and saw her name typed on the paper - Meera couldn't help but soak in the pain she felt.

What did she ever do to deserve a life like this? She lived a good life, she followed the studious path, she never strayed away like her siblings. She aced all her tests, she worked hard all her life. She never hurt anyone. She couldn't bring herself to think about hurting anyone.

Then how was she the one to suffer the most? She knew that actions had consequences. But what actions of hers led her life to this?

Not one, but two failed marriages. Not one, but two betrayals.

A chuckle escaped her pale lips, hands rubbing against her arms to provide some comfort against the cold shiver that enveloped her. The fact that she was the biggest clown of her life made her smile. She didn't need to humor herself. She simply had to be kinder and watch her life crumble to pieces.

Then she thought about Inayat. The woman who was suffering since a long time but never complained about it. The woman would take no shit from anyone and would fight them to death than lower her self-esteem. The more she thought about Inayat, the guiltier she felt about her choices and her decisions.

Maybe she did deserve this life. Maybe she did deserve to be unhappy and misused her entire life. Especially when she married a man she didn't even know. All because he chose to love her. Was she so deprived of love and kindness that she accepted the hand of the only man who offered his? Was she so retarded to choose the rocky path again when her feet still had bruises from the previous thorns?

She hated all of this. She hated it. But she chose this path and she would have to finish the journey. Meera Rai was anything but a quitter.

"Your mother died because of you, Vihaan. You killed her."

Did Vihaan's mother think that way too? Did Vihaan's mother also thought about finishing the journey? Did she quit because she couldn't walk anymore? Did she also feel so hopeless and hollow from inside? Was that why she decided to leave?

Meera's eyes brimmed with tears. She had been in this house for less than two weeks after knowing the truth, and she still felt so suffocating and sick. Meera wondered how Vihaan's mother felt when she was tied by the chains of patriarchy in this house. She felt terrible for the woman who left behind a legacy of trauma and pain, bestowing all of it on her son. The poor woman probably felt so alone and secluded. A prisoner, a captive in her own house.