wooing Meera Rai

XXIV | day five - the date (part one)

XXIV | day five - the date (part one)

For the first time in decades, Meera Rai was excited.

And to her surprise, it was the good kind of excitement. The one that got her tummy to rumble with a rally of butterflies. The one that made her want to dress up, apply a bit of the stranded make-up on her face. The one that made her like the morning a bit extra, the one that got her wanting to face the day.

All because of a man.

Everything was happening way too fast, but all the more slow at the same time. It was surreal, Meera thought, a day like this never ever came in her life before. All her days were the same routine-like scheduled timeline which she wouldn't dare disturb. And here she was, getting excited for a date - with a man she had just met.

The apartment was bustling with life that morning. The tea kettle's whistle echoed in the lonely chambers, the scent of Meera' perfumed lingered a bit extra, the sunlight was seemingly dancing through the window sill when the wind tried peeking through her curtains. The sky was pink, the clouds were white and Meera's heart was beating aloud.

Meera paused as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Half wet hair lay on her shoulders, a very pretty yellow tail-cut kurti over the peach colour trousers. The vanilla-sandalwood perfume she sprayed was calming, the earrings she wore tinkled each time she turned her head.

She was mid-way in applying the strawberry lip balm, the one Shenaaz made her buy. She kept it down as she glanced at her sorry self in the reflection. Eyes that were once full of light were barely open - the hazel in them was fading and Meera avoided self-confrontation for this exact reason. The bags under her eyes were the evidence of her hardships - the one she did not sign up for. The stress marks carved over her forehead and the lack of a smile on that ugly face (as per societal norms) made Meera to avert her gaze from the mirror and lower it.

The yellow made her dark skin all the more hideous. She should probably change to the grey color set and call it a day.

What was she doing? Did she really believe that everything would be perfectly fine after this? That Vihaan would magically make her happy and lively and the Meera who was burned day in and out - her ashes, scattered over her dead dreams?

"I shouldn't do this." She shook her head, the water drops from her wet hair scattering around. "I shouldn't go too ahead of myself."

Really, Meera Rai? You are getting giddy for a date? Aren't you too old, too tired, too damaged for all of this? Do you really deserve to have fun after what you have been through? Was one man not enough now that you want another one to destroy you?

Meera felt tears brimming in her eyes, the kohl she applied was threatening to smudge. She held the edge of the tiny dresser and gulped, holding back the urge to throw up. Was she really forgetting everything that happened to her and looking forward to date? She shook her head, she tried her best to remember what her therapist told her to do in times like these.

Breathe. She tried but couldn't sustain her erratic heartbeats.

Count. But somehow she forgot counting.

Touch. But her arms turned numb.

Smell. All she could smell was the disaster her life was brewing.

She couldn't do this. She really couldn't do this. She wiped the tears from her eyes and rushed to the washroom to wash her face. The cold water helped wipe away her supposed anxiety attack and helped her draw back to her reality. Meera looked around her tiny, lonely apartment and realised that this was the reality she had struggled to reach and she couldn't trade this for something unknown.