we sit facing each other, crouching on our shins with our feet tucked under our bodies. my right knee rests in between her legs, pressing against her lower belly. hers is the same against mine. our torsos lean forward slightly, just enough for our naked chests to faintly weigh on each other. the light brushing of our skin felt sensitive and vulnerable, leaving a pleasant ticklish sensation to shoot through my body and into my stomach. it forms a pit of butterflies that flutter even farther down.
i run my right hand along her bare ribs, down under her breast and into the indented curvature of her hips. i flatten my palm against her skin, her soft, soft skin, and wrap my fingers around her thigh. my hands are too small to go all the way around, but that only encourages me more to sink my fingertips into her flesh, desperately trying to fit her into me as if that meant i could keep her radiant body forever.
my left hand remains rested on her upper ribs, my thumb bearing down on the rounded outer side of her right breast. it does not move, chained and buried in the heavenly cemetery that is her flesh, a perfect death of control over my body.
my forehead rests against hers, our nose rubbing together as she teases a kiss for me. all i want are her luscious, pink lips against mine. a piece of her thick brown hair falls onto the side of her face as she leans further in to me, bowing her head down to plant her mouth against the crook of my neck. i let out a small breath and break my left hand free, moving my palms to grasp the temple of her head and scratch my fingernails through her hair. grabbing the base of her head, i pull her in closer to me, again in all attempts to break the barriers of skin.
my spirit regains life and my mind regains control over my body, although it remains to be an impulsive control. i can not wait to feel her anymore. my pointer finger picks her head back up by her chin and i push my lips onto hers. i lean my chest forward, mashing our breasts together and slowly forcing her to lay her back onto the bed. i swing my legs over her hips so to saddler her, squishing the cheeks of her face between my palms so i can kiss her again. moving my hands to cover and grip her breasts with as much power as my muscles will allow, i also straighten my arms give myself the support to sit up. i can suddenly reach my mouth anywhere on her torso that i desire to put them. unable to decide where i could possibly begin, i force myself to begin at the top of her neck. i leave a peck on every square inch as i move down to her collar bone.
somehow i still have more red lipstick stains to imprint on her skin, and when i run out i will simply apply more so that she may drown in stamps of my affections.
but as i begin to press my lips against the top of her chest, my head falls forward only for my nose to slam against the pillow. my body quivers as i lose balance and collapse onto my side. my vision blacks out for just enough time to reset my brain and regain a conscious awareness, no longer immersed in the magic of the moment's excitement. my eyes readjust to the dim light engulfing the room, taking in the faint light from the window. sitting up, i look around, slightly dazed and confused about such a startling occurrence. i look beneath me, opening my mouth as i prepare to apologize for ruining the moment.
but who am i to apologize to? there is no one beneath me, and no evidence that there ever was. i blink again and let out a heavy breath as i feel the pit in my stomach tighten like a blackhole reeling my heart down into it with the force of a thousand pounds. my muscles atrophy in an instant as i twist my spine and fall onto my back. my fingers curl into a tight fist, my fingernails slicing into my palms.
and i remember that i have never been with a girl, and i probably never will be as my hunger for male and heteronormative approvals reign over me with far more power than a king over his loyal country.
