KGOMOTSO: HIS FIRST

Chapter 19

KGOMOTSO

Kgomotso: "So you're going to go all the way to France for his memorial service? Simphiwe, wa gafa?!"

This guy is really out of his mind!

Simphiwe: "I'm doing this to support Lindiwe!"

Argh, that name!

Kgomotso: "This is madness! Stop packing!"

Simphiwe: "KGOMOTSO!!!!"

He stops everything and he's breathing heavily and rapidly. He's scaring me but I remain calm, because really, he's not his normal self.

Kgomotso: "They're going to bring his body this side. What don't you understand?" I ask calmly.

He breaks down and I bring myself closer to him to comfort him. He needs me right now though he's acting like a complete madman.

Kgomotso: "Ssh."

I need to call Ma'Nto. What do I do to a man who is in this state? This is abnormal behaviour.

__________

Ntombele: "Ssh." She says rubbing him.

His head is on his mother's knees like a little kid. I sit down next to her.

Kgomotso: "He wasn't thinking straight." I say once he's calmed down. "He just started packing his things and he was shouting at me."

Ntombele: "That's how he was when his grandmother died. He tends to panic when there's death to a close member. It's hard to keep him calm."

That's sure one heck of a grieving stage.

I didn't know he could be like this and it scared me. I was the one who had to drive us back home.

Kgomotso: "Is that how close he was with the Sibanyonis?"

Ntombele: "Mbuyiseni was like a father figure." I take a deep sigh.

But a 24-year-old acting like this? How would he react if any of his biological parents died? Or Sihle? Or me?

Ntombele: "I'll be with him for today. He needs us more than ever."

Kgomotso: "And bab'Zothile?"

Ntombele: "He'll understand. Go on with your day."

I do have plans on meeting with my girls, but I don't know if I can. Should I? Maybe I should. Simphiwe has his mom. Actually, I need a break from dealing with this man's craziness anyways.

__________

Tears are flooding.

Khosi: "Motso baby, are you okay?"

Kgomotso: "Yeah."

There's a lump in a my throat I feel. It's so uncomfortable!

Mantwa: "No. Talk Motso."

I sniff and then wipe my tears.

Kgomotso: "It's Simphiwe."

Yonela: "Sibanyoni's death, neh?" I nod.

Kgomotso: "And what hurts me is that I don't know how to comfort him. I've been with him for a long time, but never have I seen him like that. It was painful and scary."

Busi, who's next to me comes to hug me. I lay my head on her shoulders.

Yonela: "Motso, we're all here for you. Remember that."

Mantwa: "In fact, we'll go to your house for support."

I smile a bit. It makes me happy that they're supporting us.

Khosi: "After lunch though. I'm still hungry." We laugh.

__________

Ntombele: "Hello ladies." They all greet her back. "What are they here for?" She asks me.

Kgomotso: "They're here to support us in prayer." She smirks before she smiles.

Ntombele: "Thank you. We really need the support. Especially Simphiwe. Scholtz will be coming too."

Oh good. I know that would cheer him up. He'll really need his spiritual father. We never miss a service at his church and also, Ma'Nto and Simphiwe got baptised a few years ago.
It's been offical; they've been saved.

He comes out of his room stretching and yawning when we're settled and all seated. I can see the confusion in his eyes through the frown. He calls me to the kitchen.

Simphiwe: "What's happening? What are your friends doing here?"

Kgomotso: "They came to support us, babe."

Simphiwe: "We don't need it. Please make them leave."

Kgomotso: "What? No."

Simphiwe: "No? Ang'zwanga?"

The core Zulu in him is coming out. I should get my core Pedi to come out.

Kgomotso: "Yes, I said no and that's final. Ebile Scholtz is coming."

Simphiwe: "Ngithe, baxoshe." He sounds calm but scary.

I don't know what he might do next.

Kgomotso: "No." My voice is trembling. It's as if I want to cry.

Simphiwe: "Kgomotso. Make them leave." I shake my head as terrified as I am. "KGOMOTSO!!!"

"Hey!" Ma'Nto. "Simphiwe! What's going on!"

I'm scared. I can see the rage in his eyes. He's scaring me and sadly, this is the time he needs me most, but he's making it so impossible.

__________

Today overall was just... hayi. It was exhausting. I left him at his mother's house. I'm done dealing with a man who doesn't know how to handle grief.

Ntombele: "Kgomotso."

Kgomotso: "Hello Ma'Nto. Is everything okay?" I can sense the urgency in her voice.

Ntombele: "Nothing is okay."

Kgomotso: "What's going on, Ma?"

Ntombele: "Simphiwe isn't home. I phoned Sihle and he said he wasn't with the Pholobas as well."

Yeyi! No! This man can't be missing.

Kgomotso: "He's not here too."

I'm starting to worry now. No one is here so I can stop acting tough and actually panic. He's not in the house. Not in Ma'Nto's or Bab'Pholoba's. I'm scared.

Ntombele: "We all tried to call him but it seems like his phone is off."

Hm-mm! Eseng Simphiwe! Monna o!

LINDIWE

"Thank you once again," I say to Simps.

Simphiwe: "It's no problem. When's the memorial?"

Lindiwe: "Next week. My mom is coming with the body this Friday before we start with the night vigils."

He stands up. It's time for him to go thought I don't want him to leave. I need him to be here with me. I can't do this alone and plus I'll feel lonely here.

Simphiwe: "You know I'm always here for you no matter what, right?"

Lindiwe: "I know."

He holds my hands and looks deep in my eyes. It's just silence. He leans closer to me. I allow it. I've been wanting this moment my whole life anyway. I have him all to myself...

SIMPHIWE

"Lindiwe?"

I look around and our clothes are all over the room.

What have I done?