Novaturience of a Ninja

To Be or Not To Be: Human

Striving to maintain the right balance: by far the most difficult task of a nindroid. A nindroid, or an android of any kind, was indeed a machine, a fact which could not be denied. However, they were also created for the purpose of achieving the closest resemblance to humanity. A complete balance between head and heart... or close enough in most cases.

That's what it's supposed to be... Zane noted glumly. Instead, here I am, unable to cope with the loss of Master Wu. All because of who I am.

Whereas his friends had responded in the face of loss with emotion, varying from anger, to sadness, to denial, or even confusion, no such emotions overcame him. Nothing could tear apart a mechanical heart, though the pain appeared far more desirable than the numbness. Feeling made him human.

Perhaps I should consult with Lloyd on this issue. He seems to have carried himself remarkably, but he is still obviously grieved at the loss of his uncle.

Unfortunately, discussing his dilemma with Lloyd, or anyone else, for that matter, would involve the revelation of something else. Something that he must decide for himself. Emotions aside, the cold, titanium shell he had become posed a problem for many reasons. His new body had its upsides. However, as a ninja, it could be difficult to disguise one's presence when the metallic skin risked giving away your position. He had no way of hiding who—what—he was.

"Perhaps this will be change enough." His hopeful voice died out in the quiet surrounding the Bounty.

Still, his instincts caused him to hesitate before making such a serious upgrade. If he were wrong, how would his teammates react? If Pixal were still around, what would she think? Would he be applauded for a solution to fit in, or shunned because he failed to embrace who he was?

Too many questions. Perhaps it would have been wiser if I had spent time considering my own proposal and what all it would mean. Even I can't say whether or not I could change myself too much.

He sighed, sending an aggravated kick at the compact toolbox he had brought with him to the cramped cabin.

Or would my status as a machine make it simply another upgrade?

While his grief over Wu and what the wise old man would have to say hung over him, it was punctuated by his hurt at losing Pixal. One of his closest friends, and certainly far more than a friend, Zane had grown used to the voice in his head who had saved and steered him right on countless occasions. The nindroid sighed heavily again, this time peering down at his silvery hands. Adroit and carefully pieced together, the metal transitioned smoothly to individual joints linking the fingers. Functional, yet far from human.

"Zane?"

He froze, a guilty expression across what he had convinced himself to think of as a face that did not show enough. Silence was obviously an option, but should his friend truly need something, it would be selfish to ignore her plea.

Stepping towards the door, he called, "Yes, Nya? Do you need anything?"

"No, I only wanted to ask if you did, actually."

He hesitated in the action of moving further from the door once again. His glowing eyes widened in surprise and even hope. Hope for Nya and not himself, he quickly decided.

"I appreciate the offer, but I am doing quite fine. I am glad to hear that you are up and about yourself." His voice ably transmitted his eagerness on the matter, while omitting any tone that might reveal his indecisiveness and grief.

I cannot trouble anyone else with this. I care for my friends, but they cannot understand nor help me, not with this.

Instead of listening to her response, he forced himself to focus on each tool being laid out from the toolbox. His facial expression had once again shifted without his knowledge, frowning at the object in his hand. While he had blocked out most of Nya's concerned voice, the gist of the message was clear: "You don't have to be alone."