Marshall

Loss

Most of the classes were canceled. None of the teachers talked about what happened.. The classes were silent and serious or noisy with students asking each other. Yet..the culprit was nowhere.  I got a reply from Dr Sanchez meanwhile, I couldn't wait to have our break so I could talk to him.

> What happened Marshall? When I read your text I got worried.
- Can we...can we meet.. ? Please.. soon..
> I have some work today but if it's urgent they can wait.
- Do you not mind..?
> Of course not. But are you alright?
- I'm not..I... Just...please pick me up later..

I felt my voice breaking.. I was now older than the time when Dan died..but it didn't help at all. Losing someone close to me hurt like hell.

> Child.. tell me when your classes are over and I pick you up, alright?
- Thank you. In two hours..
> I'll be there. Take care meanwhile.

I had to pull myself together. I couldn't imagine how it felt for poor kid... How much he had to endure to the point he chose to throw his life away..
Mr Gordon was pacing in the hallway. He was restless. I hoped that he'd find who was to blame and that they get punished really bad. Without me noticing, someone sat down next to me. I peeked up and for my surprise it was Christine. Charlotte was mad at her for some reasons, but I had nothing against her. Besides..I wasn't in the mood anyway.

- Marshall..hey..
- Sorry I didn't notice when you came.
- It's okay handsome. I assumed you were waiting for someone.
- Not really.. I just needed some time alone.
- Oh.. I'm sorry. Then I leave you al...
- You don't need to. I'm fine.
- Are you?

I wasn't. It was tearing me apart. I wanted to cry like nearly 13 years ago..

- I heard what happened. I'm sorry ..
- Did you know him?
- Not really but I know his sister.. I'd like to talk to her soon if she returns at all.
- I know what she's going through. It's pure pain. As if someone ripped your heart out. She just tried to protect her brother..like I tried to protect mine.
- I didn't know you had a brother
- A best friend..but he was like a brother. But in the end it didn't matter. He died in front of my eyes..
- I'm sorry Marshall..

She put her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me while respecting that I had a girlfriend. And maybe she was also afraid of Charlotte's wrath.

- I..I won't be around long.. but while I am..I want to make things right..
- Where are you going? Or why?
- Well, guess Charlotte kept my secret .. I.. I'm pregnant.. my parents said I should keep the child but after that .. which is good I guess...
- I don't know if it's appropriate to say congrats.. Do you know the gender?
- Not yet..it's the 13th week. But I hope it's a boy..

I felt a little bittersweet. I don't think she was ready to be a mother. I didn't want to ask who's the father, that was none of my business. I showed a soft but genuine smile.

- We couldn't really get to know each other huh? And you're leaving already.
- Don't mind me. I'm not a loss. Take care of Charlotte. We had ugly arguments lately but she's still my friend. I'm glad she met you. She's loved and happy..
- I try my best. Thank you. Sorry that your paths end here.
- Maybe for the best. But like I said.. before I leave, I'll help to find out who did that nasty thing. If I must I'll beat the shit out of them for one last time. NO ONE can do this do anyone! Imagine the pain his mother has now..

Perhaps Christine needed this to turn her life better. I hoped that with a child she can experience how good it feels to be loved and be a parent. Sadly, a year later I heard that she was forced by her parents to put her baby boy to adoption...Life can be cruel. But pay attention,  if you keep up with the stories after mine, you'll meet that child soon.

- Thank you Christine and sorry .. I hope Charlotte and you can get back to good terms anyway.
- Eh.. I ruined things and she's still being a good friend, keeping all my secrets. Take care sweet cake. We'll meet some time..

Well..we didn't. Thankfully not because she had the same fate as Dorian..she just didn't come to school for long anymore and while she did, we couldn't see each other.
I left a text for Stephan, telling him I'll be out for a while and asked him to take care. Then I left another text to Willow, asking her to check on her brother for me.
For my fucking luck...I had to go to the dressing room. It was dim.  I remembered what Mr Grey said.. how Johnathan found Dorian.. my heart sank into sorrow once again.
I was standing there in complete silence. Only a day ago..I was talking to him..and he seemed alright..

- We couldn't protect you..this could have been prevented. I wish you let me talk to Martín..but I sure will soon.

I didn't assume it was Martin who put those photos around.
Heavy hearted, after the classes ended I waited for Dr Sanchez. I forgot to ask him where he would be, but it didn't matter. In a few minutes the car arrived . I was so relieved.. to leave this place behind. While I actually liked to go to school, today was rough. For everyone I guess.

- Marshall, I came as fast as I could. What's wrong my child?

I couldn't answer, I broke into crying and he pulled me into his arms, as if I was still a small child.

- Ssh.. I'm here. Take your time.

This is how it feels to have a parent?  He's here whenever I needed him. I bet he was my father's age. While I never knew my real parents I couldn't care less anymore. I was thankful for this man.

- It's alright. Everything is alright. You're my child. I'm here.
- Nothing is alright...nothing...

I dried my tears off , took a deep breath to be able to talk finally.

- What's wrong niño? I can tell that it's something serious. I've seen this pain before.
- He died.. my friend.  He was mocked..someone made him..he..he..took his own life..
- Oh Lord.. Let's talk about it ? Or should I just let you be for now?
- I don't know what to say .. I don't know what happened exactly..this is all I heard..

He looked at me with concern. I swear, he hasn't aged at all. There were 29 years between us. I knew him since I was just a child and he never let me down. I tried to share how I felt, I told him about Dorian.. how he was my friend and how I failed to take care of him.

- Marshall, you're going through the same like you had with Daniel.  I understand that you liked him and he was your friend. But understand this, you can't be there for everyone. Not 24/7. It's impossible. I'm a therapist and even I can't be there. Sad, but this is reality. We can do our best but it's still not enough sometimes. Why? Because we're humans.
- I failed ...I failed to save Dan too..
- Son, it was late. You literally acted as quickly as you could. Daniel couldn't be saved.. I'm sorry it probably sounds harsh mostly coming from me.

It did and I hated to accept it. I lost Dan nearly 13 years ago..and now another innocent kid. We talked some more , he drove me to a cafe and we ate together. His presence and his words were comforting but not enough for me to forget this tragedy. I really, really needed something good to finally happen again.